Forbidden Fruit
by hope4laughsxX
Summary: What do you do when you want the fruit so badly that it hurts? Do you let it slowly let it eat away at you? Or do you dare to reach into the flames to touch it.....even for just a moment? *Chapter 6 is smut* Tali/Shep
1. The Memory

Okay so This WILL continue and I put it as mature because if I get enough reviews I will make the next part which is the sex scene between Tali and Shepard. Tell me what you think about Shepard being gental vs. The rough guy he;s always set as. Thanks for READING! REIVEW AND FAVOR MEEEE

It was cold in the engine room. Cold and quiet. I was used this, and usually it didn't bother me, but today it made me feel so……_empty**.**_ Images were passing through my mind, only staying put for a fraction of time before jumping to the next thought. I had read the same engine data quanta's over and over for days now. Time was stuck in a sort of shuffle. Fast moving objects around a slow moving me. My mind was racing faster then the world around me.

_His_ face was the most prominent thought that plagued my head. Commander Alexander Shepard, leader of the Normandy, and savior of the universe for the _second_ time now. Her stomach turned nervously as she thought of his face. Deep blue eyes set into his pale and often pained expressions. So strong in his stance and words. He would be home today. Funny how I now thought of the Vas Normandy as my home; that had never been heard of in the Quarian culture. Before, it was more like a campsite on my long road of Pilgrimage...but now? I couldn't imagine being anywhere else…

He had given me a whole week to be alone with myself and think….

**"Commander I…I calibrated the thermal flares that were emanating from the front chamber of the uh…engine and I found that the front—I mean the rear—I'm sorry that's not right either…I just—" My face was burning under my ventilation mask and I thanked Keelah that he couldn't see me blush. I was so weak compared to him. I was tripping violently over my words as I stared down at my data pad, trying to find something to distract myself with. I could feel my heart trying to escape my chest as he stepped even closer to me. **

**"Tali…" I heard him chuckle as he lifted my face to meet his gaze. I felt the data pad slip from my fingers. "You know, if I didn't know you better I would think that I make you nervous," commented Shepard, smiling gently at me. Though his gaze was as kind as his voice, there was a hint of fire in them as he spoke. Passion perhaps? For…_me?_ No.**

**"Nervous? How would you know? You can't see my face but…yes…I suppose you're correct. I can't seem to…_function_ with you this close." Shepard put an arm around me and pulled me closer.**

**"So then just being _this_ close makes you quiet? Stops all that silly rambling. Would it be too forward to say that I enjoy your discomfort ever so slightly? I think it's…sweet," he murmured into my shoulder. I used all my strength to push away from him gently. **

**"Alex—I mean! Commander—"**

**"Alex is perfect," he sighed, annoyed slightly by my formality. He closed his eyes and breathed me in, sending a shiver down my spine.**

**"A-Alex then…I've been thinking about the last time we talked…I'm sorry. I was unprofessional, and I wasn't thinking rationally…I was being stupid and _selfish._" I could feel myself getting embarrassed at voicing these thoughts. Shepard scoffed at this, but pulled back from me even more, letting only his hands rest on my waist.**

**"You've never been selfish. If anything you've spent too much time thinking of the Fleet and not enough thinking of yourself," he replied harshly. I was a bit taken aback at the possesivenes that had crept into his voice. Had he thought of my well being much in his free time?**

**"Well, I suppose that's true for humans, but Quarians are different. We can't just follow our hea—well I mean…We have to think about _other people_. Always. If we don't think about the needs of the whole crew, people could get hurt…Maybe even _killed."_ I pulled myself closer to the Commander instinctively as I mentioned death. His death had hit me with such force that for a while I didn't know what I was going to do with myself without him. I finally took comfort in the fact that eventually I would find him again when my time was up. I so yearned for that day that my friends began to worry about me. Back then I was just coming to grips with how I felt about him. And when I first realized it, he was being torn from my arms for what I thought was forever. Not even father could comfort me then. **

**I pulled myself away from him to cross the room. His arms reached for me as I walked away, falling gently to his side as his patient smile continued. I must seem so young and folly to him.**

**"You deserve to…be happy with someone. You've done so much for this crew and for the _universe!_ Being with me would be…difficult…maybe even impossible. You ought to have someone who can give you all of themselves with no effort. I can't do that. No matter how much I………I could get sick. Jeopardize the mission for when the Reapers are ready to attack…" This was it. I knew that this would be the moment when he saw the truth in what I said and backed down. He must know that being with me was not as worth it as he wanted to think. I was only a Quarian. I could never compare to Liara's beauty, Miranda's grace, Kelly's caring eyes, or Jack's…lustful need. I had to brace myself for the inevitable.**

**To my surprise he laughed softly once more, "Since you seem to know what I want better then me, then how about you tell me what I desire?" I was taken aback once more. I wasn't expecting this. He didn't even seemed phased by what I had said.**

**"Love? Family? Children…I couldn't…I mean I'm unable to give you…" He strode over to me with a few harsh steps. **

**"You couldn't give me love? Tali, _listen_ to me. If I'm pushing you in a direction that you don't want to pursue…I would never force you to do anything. I understand that you wouldn't want to be with me because I'm human. You don't have to explain yourself to me." He began to walk backwards from me with worry scrolled across his face. It was my turn to put my arms around him as I pulled myself the closest I could to him with this suit as a barrier. **

**"No! L-Love is not a problem. Neither is your race. I've thought about this, don't doubt that for a second. Seeing you with Ashley was the hardest thing I have faced in my lifetime…well…besides your death. That's not what I meant! I'm just not…what you deserve to have. You could have…so much _more…_"**

**"Who says I want anything else?" he sighed, pulling me tightly into him. I pushed my hands against his hard chest to look into his face. His eyes opened to meet me halfway.**

**"Well you could have any of the females on this ship. I've seen the way Miranda looks at you. The way she…wants you. I've heard Jack offer you sex. I've read Kelly's messages to your terminal. So…tender! Any of those relationships would be so much _simpler _then me. You could have any of them with a—oh! What is the expression you humans use? _With a clap of your hands?" _I paused, trying to remember the section of human expressions in my "Human Culture" Textbook from the Fleet library.**

**"It's actually a _snap of your fingers_ but close. And as for Miranda, I have no interest in her though it's true that she has expressed interest in me. Even when I was with Ashley…something was always off. We were never…in sync with one another. Not like I feel with you. Like I fit near you. Like I would take a bullet for you. I would die for you even—"**

**"Please! Don't talk about your death. It is so…sad for me to think of such tragedies…" I gasped. **

**"I'm sorry. Tali…if you're scared I don't blame you. But I don't _want_ anyone else. I want you. And I'll do whatever I have to, to make this work," Alex promised, letting his sincerity coat every word he spoke. My heart stopped completely as he said this. He…_wanted_ me? The thought seemed outrageous. **

**I hesitated, "I..I wouldn't blame you if…if you wanted to change your mind to them along the way even and—"**

**"If you weren't wearing that mask I would kiss you right now to both quiet your ridiculous delirium and to prove myself to you." He kissed the top of my helmet to prove his point.**

**"I'm sorry I just…but…Oh. Thank you. You don't know how much that…Thank you. Maybe if you just give me a little time. I'll do some research and figure out how to make this work…" I wanted to desperately to spring from my suit and kiss him right then. I felt my lips tingle in anticipation for the feeling of his on mine.**

**"Take all the time you need. I have to do some assignments on Omega but when I get back you'll be the first one I visit. We'll talk then…"**

The crackle of the announcement speakers broke me from my thoughts. Joker's voice took command over the quiet space. "All hands to their station, prepare for departure from Omega. The Commanding officer has returned to the Normandy. All hail Commander Shepard! The hero returns!" I could just imagine the Commander rolling his eyes at that as he fought the urge to hit him. We all had to fight that urge every once in a while. "Sorry Commander, I guess I just missed you."

"Joker better be careful or one day he'll lose a few teeth from Alex…" I chuckled, picking the data pad up off the desk. I jumped as I felt two thick and warm arms snake around my waste.

"Alex? Hmm…I like that you're finally using my name informally. It's a nice touch." I felt Shepard put his head on top of my helmet sighing contently. "You know, it's nice having someone to come home too. Before it was just duty pulling me back here. Now it seems to be you. I like that too…"


	2. The Cry

**HEY YOU CRAZY COOL PEOPLE! This is the next chapter as promised yesterday! I hope you enjoy this one. I blew off ALL my classes to write this chapter and the next one. A SPECIAL THANKS TO MY FRIEND "mizutanitony" This author has some SERIOUS talent. If you enjoy Tali/shep stories then give the profile a good look. We will be working on this story together...sort of. The way it was explained to me, was that mizutanitony is like my badass WingMan. NICE.**

**REVIEW! and follow me!**

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"C-Commander! I thought you…I mean, I thought you had _just_ come on board! How did you get here so fast? I wasn't expecting…I mean that I didn't think you would—come down here until after you checked in with Joker—" My face burned fiercely under my face-mask, as my heart fluttered like the great Keelah's wings. His arms were a pleasant familiarity around my hips and I could feel their warmpth even through my suit.

"You don't seem happy to see me," he said simply. I felt his arms loosen around me and I turned around to face him. There were new cuts on his face and a thick bruise under his left eye was just starting to ripen. He smiled like a young one whom had done something wrong, making a cut open on hit lip. He licked the blood away and sucked his lip into his mouth.

My hands fluttered to his face, franticly searching for a trace of whatever had attacked him. He flinched slightly when my fingers ran over his bruise. "_Keelah _Shepard! W-What happened to you? I thought that this was just a recon mission! You're…hurt! I should have been there! It was _foolish_ of you to go alone if you thought you were going to be attacked—" Images of violence flashed in my head. Shepard being shot at as a bullet pierced his armor: causing him to fall. Shepard flying into a crate several feet away from where he had stood; pushed away by a strong biotic attack. Blood…flowing swifter then any river…

"Tali."

"You should have called for back up! If it wasn't for me, I would have had the communications systems back on sooner but I have been more focused on…_us_ and I—"

"_Tali_…

"I knew that…that this would be trouble. That I wouldn't…I was looking for ways to keep me safe and _you_ safe…and here you are getting beat up as I daydream silly things and I…I…" I felt tears rolling down my face. I was being so irrational. He was fine! Standing right in front of me with the same patient and cautious smile he always wore around me. And here I was, blubbering inside my environmental suit imagining him bursting into flames while I was safe inside the 2nd Normandy.

Though he was obviously safe, I couldn't stand to see these new wounds. No matter how small and insignificant they seemed to be. I could not help but to picture him floating away into space as the Normandy exploded. Him drifting away from me, writing as the dead space took over his suit. Gone again while I missed _another_ opportunity to…have him. Have _all _of him.

My fingers fumbled around my mask as I tried to find the clasps.

Shepard's face went from amused to concerned in a flash of a second. "_Tali_, what are you doing?" His voice was strained. Confused. Here I go again, messing up. Causing him pain. Making him wait for me to stop being so…so stupid!

"I am taking this stupid mask of and I'm going to kiss you. I wont lose you, I wont let you drift away from me and freeze in space. I've made you wait for this for too long Alex!" He grabbed my wrists, holding them as tightly as he could without hurting me.

"What are you _doing_ Tali?" he hissed angrily. "I'm right _here!_ Not floating into…—_ohh…_" Shepard's face darkened and then softened a bit. He knew I was remembering his death.

"I want _this _so badly and I have been foolish in waiting. I can't let you leave me before I get my chance with you. As you can see," I said, pushing my hand to his face to run my hands over his new cuts, "life is not going to wait for me and I'm not going to…t-to wait f-for…you to…" He let me touch him and his grip lightened as his eyes shut. Pain was scrawled across every part of his expression. "_Please_ Commander…_Alex_. This is what you wanted too, wasn't it? I'm not afraid anymore. Even if I get…_sick_…I want to give myself to you. To make you as happy as you make me feel. Even when I'm babbling like a fool. I want all of you…" I tried to reach for my mask again, this time slower. His grip returned immediately, eyes flying open.

"Tali! Stop." His voice was low and commanding causing me to quiet immediately. "What you're doing is rediculous. Taking off your mask right now with no precautions will make you sick. And I will _not_ have you dying just so that you can prove some crazy, _adolesent_ insecurity to me. I couldn't handle loosing you. I would finally be alone here…" he added, quieter then before. There was something he was trying not to say, and I watched him fight it internally. Finally he looked up, burying whatever had tried to escape from before. "Call me selfish if you must."

"You don't…_want_ me anymore…" I said sadly. Finally his face relaxed and a slight smile pulled at his lips as he released my arms so that he could pull me tightly against himself.

"I want nothing _other_ than you. But I'm not going to have you rush into something you're not ready for. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I got caught in a fight with some Mec's outside of Afterlife. They remembered how our team treated a few of their _buddies_ so the attacked. I'll admit I wasn't expecting it, but I took care of the situation and I'm here now. I'm _alright,_ Tali'Zorah. Please don't let this plague your thoughts any longer." I closed my eyes, listening to his heart. It was strong enough to make a steady sound through two layers of armor. Human hearts beat differently then a Quarian's but I found it comforting. It was something calm that I could match my breathing to and relax.

"I…am sorry Commander. Shepard. I was being foolish."

"It's fine. I know that my death caused you an exceptional amount of…pain. I wish you had told me how you felt before Ashley came to me. I figured you were too, _traditional_ to go for a human. Even at my rank. Although, if you had then my death would've been worse for you. Maybe this is better." He snuggled me closer. "I never wanted to _hurt_ you Tali," he whispered. "But at least now I know how you feel." He chuckled. "Maybe all it takes is having two bullets in your chest to get you to just come out and say it. It's true that I do like how careful you are around me. But, I _defiantly_ don't mind the rough stuff. I can't believe—" I put my hand over his mouth, making him stop abruptly and raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"What do you mean _two bullets in you_?" I demanded. His expression turned sheepish.

"Well…like I said, I wasn't expecting their attack…" he grumbled. It was obvious that being caught off guard was not a proud moment for the strong Commander.

"Alexander Shepard! Why the _hell_ are you down in the engine bay if you have open wounds and _two bullets_ in you! Why aren't you up in the Medical ward you bosh'tet! You could get an infection," I slapped him in his stomach and he flinched. That must have been where one of the slugs was.

"Don't worry, Right before I came to see you I pumped enough pain killers into my system to make me see two of you for a month. I guess I'm just starting to feel those affects now. I may have taken a little too many. I don't mind that though," he sighed happily, letting his hand grope the length of my body. I shivered in an unnatural inticipation; a throb pulsing somewhere low. He was _obviously_ drugged, for he would never touch me so…_sensually_ in public like this. Or would he?

"Besides," he figured, "the bullets could wait. They're not that deep anyways. I promised you that _you_ would be the first I came to see when I returned. To finish our conversation."

His hand continued to travel down my body till it rounded my thigh and butt before turning to travel up the small of my back. His fingers caressed every part of my suit, using just enough pressure to make sure that I could feel him past the material that separated us. While that hand explored my spine, his other hand started from my neck and ran down until it reached my covered breast. Pausing, he let his hand linger there, circling slightly and adding pressure to it slowly. Squeezing gently with a devilish stare. I grabbed at his hands, embaressed. He wobbled a bit.

It was only then that I noticed the shade lighter his face was. Blood loss, I decided. "Come on Shepard, we need to get you to the Medical bay before you pass out. Those bullets need to come out _now,"_ I sighed. He sat down on a chair, pulling off his chest armor and letting his t-shirt fall loose around his torso. There were two noticeable red patches on his shirt that were obviously where he had been hit. "The Doc's gone for the day anyways," he grunted, falling into the rough seat. I gave her shore leave for the next few days. I'll just hang here 'till she gets back. You don't _mind_ do you?" I rolled my eyes. I still couldn't get used to this _open_ Commander that Alex had become in front of me. He let his guard down for me. He must truly care.

I walked past him and out into the hallway, calling the elevator for us. I looped the door's timing feed in case I needed both arms to prop him up. I doubted he would ever let me prop him up, but it didn't hurt to be cautious. Something bumped into me and I stumbled forward. "Shepard! What are you doing up? I was coming to get you," I asked, blinking up at him.

"Oh! You're not mad at me? I thought what I had said made you mad so I followed you. I didn't mean to be rude," he said, still wavering. I took him hand, not wanting to hurt his pride by supporting him, and led him into the elevator—routing it to the Captain's floor.

"Captain's Deck, huh? Miss 'Zorah…are you trying to _seduce_ me?" He laughed openly this time, but doubled over as he split open a wound. "Ouch, ouch…"

"Stop _moving_ you bosh'tet!" I snapped, not letting what he said, fluster me. The elevator doors opened to the hallways in front of his quarters. Until now, going into the Commanders room seemed completely professional, but I actually _did_ feel like I was luring him into "my lair". Stupid. After all, I was only helping him take **bullets **out. Nothing sexual about that...

There was another throb.

He walked on ahead of me and opened the door, not even looking behind him to see if I was following. He knew I would. His room was tidy, only a fish tank decorating his walls. His personal terminal sat on his desk next to a picture of a laughing human group. The photograph was turned away from where the Commanders chair was, and there were cracks spiderwebbed across the glass. It was clear that it had been slammed down against the desk more than once. I heard the shower turn on as I picked up the picture to look closer...


	3. The Need

**Hello you beautiful people! This is the next chapter. A special thanks to mizutanitony who once again loaned me precious time. Check out mizutanitony's page because it'll be worth it! The writing is amazing and a lot of time was put into it!mizutanitony either HAS or is about to put up a new chapter so go check that out! RATE it! LEARN stuff!!**

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Chapter 3

The smile of the youngest boy was a familiar one. '...Alex?' I thought. His face was freckled, his hair was slicked back and his teeth seemed too large for his mouth. He seemed so...innocent. There were no scars to pull at his skin, nor heavy worries to furrow his brow. He was free from it all. He simply...was. I felt saddened for the loss of this child. A girl about the boys age, yet a little older, played with her beautifully, long, blonde hair as Alex's same blue eye's twinkled intelligently. Her tongue was stuck out at whomever had taken the picture and a humorous air surround her, even in the frozen moment.

The young couple that stood about them were just as beautiful. The man was dark and handsome; exhibiting many of Alex's own features. The man seemed slightly more free however. Alex always seemed to have another thought dancing at his lips before he shut it away to be locked somewhere deep and dark. The man had just snuck a kiss onto the woman's cheek and you could see her face light up and blush. There was something comforting about the woman. I somehow felt like if I had sat with her even for one day, everything would become so clear for me.

They were all woven together perfectly. Was this Shepard's...family? I felt sour that he had never mentioned them to me. Perhaps I was an embarrassment to him. A Quarian and a human being together would never be accepted in my Fleet. I could not imagine what a horror is would seem to such a perfect family.  
"I was eight in this," whispered a voice behind me. I jumped and spun around, placing the photograph quickly back onto the desk. I hadn't heard the shower turn off. Shepard stood behind me in his Cerberus emblazoned pants, his chest bare save for the . I froze. I had never seen the Commander with his shirt off, and it was an amazing sight. I took a moment to run my fingers over his perfectly sculpted chest. Though Human males anatomy only varied slightly from Quarians, no Quarian was as...appealing as Shepard was to me this moment.  
Another throb.

Human males really were beautiful creatures. They were a strange race at times, being almost...primitive when their instincts took over, but their bodies could reach such, stupendous capacities. He had put gauze over more of his wounds but the larger patches that covered the bullets were still bleeding.  
"I'm sorry Commander! I should not have been snooping through your things." I felt guilty, but he didn't even seem to hear me. His gaze was fixed on the picture, angrily in thought. One of his large hands took the photo gingerly, walking down the steps to fall onto the couch. I followed him like a shadow. I strained against the urge to reach out and comfort him. I did not want to break him from whatever memory her was reliving.

He was silent as time dragged by. "My parents," he finally began, "met on a colonial cruise ship touring the Mass Relay. In Human history that seems so...typical. My mother, Serenity, was kind and patient but her mind shone the brightest. She was working for Cerberus at the time to help develop stronger human biotics in exchange for protection. They didn't hold their end of the bargain. They never do. I didn't know who she worked for until many years afterwards. People used to tell me I had her eyes and my father's strong features. Bermin was soft and harsh at the same time. He had served under the Alliance for many years in his youth, and his undeniable charisma caused him to rise through the ranks quickly. I can still remember him trying to teach me what it mean to be a man. 'Protect the ones you love, Alexander. but never forget to protect the ones who need you. No matter who they are.' He was a wise man, always full of advice. My sister Selena used to tease him about it constantly. She was my twin...and my best friend. She always excelled from me, though I was never jealous. Miranda reminds me of her...maybe that's one of the reasons I could never be with her. I was proud of my sister for who she was and what she would become in this world. She protected me and I, her. She always seemed so much older then me too..." He paused after this, running his finger thoughtfully across her hair.  
"She would sit and play with her hair for hours, smiling at me as I begged for her to come play war with me. Ironic to some extent. She was funny too, always making the other children laugh, no matter what she said. She was the one who shone in our family." He froze, stiffening as his eyes slid shut.

"When the Raider's ships arrived everything just...disappeared. My father hid my mother, my sister and me in the safe room we had recently installed. Someone in Cerberus had let slip where my mother was conducting her experiments and Raiders, who hoped to profit from the information came for her. We could hear the screams of people from through the walls. I heard later on that my father was the first to be taken down. Two Krogans picked him out as the strongest. They say he killed five of the pirates before he fell. Krogans always have to prove themselves. Disgusting. They found us shortly after."

He sighed,"When the door burst open I was the first thing they saw. I was standing in the fighting stance that my father had taught me, 'Protecting the ones I loved'. I must have pissed them off because they shot me first without a warning. I fell to my knees before falling over. I can still hear my mothers screams ringing in my ear even in the heart of battle. She flipped me over and cradled me onto her life, kissing my face and running her hands all over my face. They were so...hot on my skin. I kept getting colder. Falling away slowly. I got my first taste of blood that day, as well as my first scar. The only reason I'm alive today is because the bullet somehow missed every major organ."  
His eyes opened, refusing to let a single tear fall. I sat next to him, putting my hand over his heart in and attempt at comfort. He looked out the window swiftly. "My eyes were half open. I was fighting to stand back up and to protect! But the pain was so much. I saw how it all ended for my family. The second in Command took Selena by her hair and held a knife to her throat. She was sobbing, staring at me and holding herself in the same spot where I had been shot. I always wondered if maybe she could feel the same pain as me. They say that twins have a strange bond between them. They told my mother that if she didn't hand over her research on human biotics, that they would kill her." He stopped once more and I took his hands. He looked at me, still distant. What could I say?

"Obviously she gave them what they wanted, desperate to get Selena back. When she handed them they data, most of the Krogan's left. Only the 2nd and 1st in Command stayed behind. I didn't want Selena to be scared so I smiled at her, hoping it would help. She smiled back. Right before the lieutenant slit her throat. Mother screamed again after that. They just laughed at her as they threw Selena's body back at her, still smiling. The Leader who I learned later was the chief of the Bos Knox clan, ordered everyone out. He stared down at the mess that his team had made...and smiled. He took out his pistol and loaded it with a single bullet, throwing it at my mothers feet. He knew that it would not pierce his armor if she fired so he turned and left. Krogans are very cocky creatures. When I joined the Alliance, I allowed him the same privilege after I had killed his whole Klan." Shepards eyes darkened. For the first time, I was afraid of the man I sat next to. "That is, until I decided the slower the better. But...I cannot imagine how my mother must have felt right then. Husband gone, children gone, home gone...hope gone. She thought she was alone in the universe. I know how that can feel. I blacked out just as she picked up the gun..."

I had never expected to hear such tragedies from a single man, nor had I ever imagined he would tell me any of his pain. It was then that I realized how alone he felt in the universe. He still felt the heavy emptiness of the bullet's weight in his chest and in his heart. Had my pulling away from him time and time again hurt him more than knew? For him to open himself up to another was...agonizing for this man and yet he faced that pain...so he could share something with...me. I was undeserving of such devoting loyalty.

"Commander..." I began. His head had fallen back and his body was pale. There was nothing I could say and I knew this. His breathing was staggered and I realized how tired he seemed. I took the picture from his grasp, prying it away form him as carefully as I could and placing it face down next to him. He was asleep. I suppose it did not surprise me that such a tale would wear a man out. For now, I would let him rest. Him sleeping was also good, for it would allow me to work on his wounds in peace.  
I peeled back the gauze to take a look underneath. Both wounds were puckered and swollen around the bullets. You could see where it would bruise on his flesh. My heart skipped a beat fearfully.

"Oh Alex...you sad, sad bosh'tet...Why didn't you tell me sooner? I could have..." What? There was nothing in my life that could possibly compare to what he had encountered. What comfort could I have leant him without seeming hypocritical? I sighed, feeling worthless.

"At least I can heal you now..."


	4. The Betrayal

**Thank you so much for all the great reviews!!! I love writing this story and I have so many twists running through my head that I'm almost TOO eager to share with you all. I'm going to start trying to reply to every review I get so if you get a respond from me dont be alarmed. Feel free to ask me questions and I'll let you know what's up! The next chapter should come out tomorrow, Sunday 3/7/10**

**-Emma**

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Chapter 4

_There was flesh burning. It stung my eyes, making me want to claw at them. I covered my nose from the sensation, my slender fingers wrapping around my face. I felt weak, but lighter then I usually was. The wind blew more putrid smoke in my face and strands of long hair floated around me._

_Something was wrong…._

_ My body felt…strange to me. **Very** wrong. I brought my hand up to brush away the hair that still lingered on my face. Wait. Wind? How could wind make my hair move if I was inside my environmental suit? I wasn't in the suit. Terror griped my chest. I brought my hands up to hold in front of my eyes. They were wrong too. My fingers were thin and shorter then I remembered. And there were…ten._

_ There was a puddle near where I stood, and I knelt beside it, peering in. The water was a bit cloudy, and tinted red with running blood, but the beauty of the image that peered back at me was not tainted in the least. A human girl looked through the puddle towards me while I examined her. She looked very familiar, but I could not remember ever meeting her. Or meeting **me**, I realized as I touched my face and she did the same._

_Her eyes were sparkling with an intelligent humor that was etched into her delicate features. They reminded me of Alex's eyes, but more gentle. The long blonde hair that blew around her was silky and smooth. I fought the sudden urge to play with it as I stared at myself. _

_The scene changed dramatically. I was in a small room. Dark and damp. The door was broken down and I saw two shadows that fell on the floor before me. I could hear a Krogan laugh around me. No…**us.** I was suddenly aware of a woman kneeling and cradling a beautiful boy in her lap. He looked like the girl in the puddle with only slight differences. He smiled at me, reaching out. I somehow knew he just didn't want me to be afraid and I could feel a returning smile start up onto my face. Something horrible was about to happen but I didn't want **him** to realize that. _

_Someone yanked at my hair, lifting me up in the air. It hurt. I tried to yell for them to stop, but I didn't want to frighten the boy. He was still smiling, clutching the now obvious flesh wound that was pumping blood from his body. I placed my hand over the same spot. Something warm met my touch. I pulled my hand up to see what it was. A crimson liquid coated my hand. Blood._

_"Selena!" The woman screamed, the yells piercing my ears. The boy reached for me again and I reached back. I wanted to touch him…I **had** to touch him. We both covered our hearts but the boy mouthed a warning at me. What was he saying? I couldn't understand. I read his lips. He was apologizing. Apologizing for what. The Krogan laughed…and with a pain at my throat, the world began to fall away._

I shot up in bed, panting in stale suit air. The last of the images faded away. I wanted to cry. I couldn't reach him. The boy. He was too far away. I knew I had failed him. I couldn't—

"Tali? Are you alright?" I jumped again, turning to see Doctor Chaktaw sitting at a chair that was placed on the other side of my room, preparing a syringe.

"Doctor? Is there something wrong?" I asked, still hazy. "Is it Alex? Is he alright?" How long had I been out? She smiled at me, putting the syringe on my bedside table. My head was still spinning from my dream but I tried to sort through it to understand what was going on.

"Aw…so my assumptions _were_ correct of you and Alexander. It's about time I must say. His gaze had been following you since he first warned the council of suspicions on Saren. The young can be so folly with their emotions," she said, letting her smile stretch. I blushed, turning my head away. She was a wise woman.

"I do not know what you are talking about Doctor. Is something wrong with…the Commander," I asked again, guarding and contemplating every word.

"No need for the formality Tali. I'm not here to chastise you. Quite the contrary. I find you and his relationship to be quite interesting. To say the very least. And no my dear, he is fine. Still unconscious." _Still?_ It was rounding the fourth day of him being out of commission. After he had passed out I removed his bullets and applied medi-gel to his wounds. I knew that he needed more medical attention then a Quarian who had read a few books on the subject so I called in Doctor Chaktaw.

"I feel foolish…" I whispered. "But…I like it at the same time. Shepard…looks at me in such ways that I cannot speak. His touch is like a drug. It is…very strange for me." She chuckled, rolling her chair over to me and placing her hand over my shoulder.

"You are a very intelligent woman, Tali. Naturally, having emotion run your thoughts seems wrong to you. It will get better don't worry."

I nodded. "What are you doing in my room? Not to be rude, but shouldn't you be tending to Ale—…Shepard?"

"Alexander is almost done healing. I picked up a new molecular healing agent that stitches the body at an anatomical level. It's quite ingenious. However, I've had to sedate him heavily for the past few days so it will work." She chuckled lightly at this. "If he was moving around, like he _would_ be, then it would do more damage then help. Even so, with enough sedatives in his body to stop a full grown elephant he's struggling to wake up."

"Bosh'tet…" I murmured under my breath. He would probably be in the Engine room as we speak, trying to find me if he was awake. Wait…was I selfish in thinking that he would be looking for _me_? Certainly a Commander of a ship has many things he has to attend to before his romance pursuits. Though after every mission we went to, he would come speak with me to see how I was doing. I just assumed that he did that with the whole crew, but I now I see how time consuming that would be if he had.

Doctor Chaktaw paused thoughtfully, looking at me. "He speaks of you often. Whispers your name."

I felt my heart skip a beat and I couldn't help but smile. "H-he does? I mean! That is…nice. Sweet."

"It's _flattering_. If I had a man like Alexander Shepard moaning _my_ name…I would count myself a lucky woman. And I would most likely not be in my own room…" I blushed. _Moaning_ my name? That seems very different to the whisper she had claimed it was before.

"So he's alright then? Will it scar? The bullet wounds I mean? He didn't get an infection did he?"

" He does not need my attention. If he does too much physical movement for the next couple of days he could reopen them, but the _real_ damage is fixed."

"Good."

"Well _he_ may not need me right now but you do. I installed an immune system tracker in you a while back and it lets me know whenever your white blood cells drop too low. Usually you nip any problems in the butt only moments after, however the timer ran for over ten minutes so I came to see if you were all right. It turned out you were wrapped up in a dream as well."

The pictures flashed back into my head. The blood. The girl. The woman crying. The boy…reaching for me. "Installed?" I asked, trying to distract my mind. "Oh yes! Last solar year you did," I remembered, feeling the little box on the side of my suit. "It is very useful."

"I thought so. I was concerned when I got here though. You were shaking and crying out. Who is Selena? You seemed very concerned for her." I flinched and hesitated. She understood that I couldn't share the information with her and she dropped it immediately. "No matter. I was just sterilizing to help you. Do you mind? Or do you want me to let you do it?" Her voice was soft.

"You may if you would like." She reached forward and loosened the clasps around my facemask. I drew back immediately. "W-what are you doing! I can't take this off, you know that."

"I know perfectly well. You are in no danger however. I'm going to administer an immune system booster. In case you…need it for later on." I didn't understand. "Alex will be waking up soon. I'm sure he'll want to see you," she pressed.

"O-oh!" I gasped, sucking in air as a throb pulsed. "You mean so we can…oh dear. Yes…"

She pulled at my mask again and it released, hissing as the airlocks pressure subsided suddenly. She spared no time as she reached in to prick my jaw line with a smaller medi-gel capsule. I immediately felt my fever drop and my visions clarity jumped dramatically.

"Now, this would last on a healthy person for about two days, however for you, your body will attack it and it will wear off by late morning tomorrow. It will not harm you in any way so don't fear." She fixed the mask shut again. I checked the air seals, nervous whenever my mask came off. She got up from where she sat next to me, to walk over to her bag. She handed me a small box of tablets.

"These," she began, "are just smaller doses of what I injected you with. Because they can be digested, they will only last for a few hours but they're handy if you need them…in times of need. They are completely healthily. However they may…uhm, excite you. It is a mild side effect." Chaktaw looked away. I blushed under my mask.

"T-thank you doctor. And…thank you for coming home from your shore leave to help…_Alex. _I wouldn't have been much help to him."

"Not at all. He was stupid to not have brought anyone with him. He knew those merc would be there. A man such as the Commander would never be so foolish as to think that people on Illium wouldn't know his face. He was after something that he didn't want anyone to know about. But that is not my business I suppose…" I pondered that a moment. Alex's rendezvous on the scandals world of Omega didn't seem like it was a normal mission…but I trusted him. I looked at the doctor in surprise.

"Illium? But he went to Omega. That's what he told _me_," I stuttered.

The doctor looked at me like I was talking crazy. "No he went to Illium to speak with Li—…a _friend_," she corrected hurriedly, the storyline becoming clear in her head as well. Illium. Who lived on Illium that he would be so hesitant in telling me about? I closed my eyes to try and remember our last trip to Illium. Our docking fees paid. An Asari welcomed us. Miranda's source. Shepard spoke with Liara about some help that she—…_Liara._ My mood shifted immediately, sadness filling my suit. He went to see _Liara_. Of course.

I was so stupid in thinking he liked me. He still loved Liara. He just didn't want to let me down, so he lied about going so I wouldn't feel badly. I could see them in my memories. I had walked by them more than once kissing in dark corridors. His lips on hers. Running down her neck. Hands running up her body. I was nothing like them. I could never be anything like them. Damn it! Why had he led me on! The sadness shifted to anger. I stood up angrily, the extreme antibiotics making me teeter a bit before regaining my balance.

"Tali, you should really rest my dear." I didn't even acknowledge her this time. I walked briskly by her, grabbing my gun and storming into the nearby elevator. "Tali! Don't shoot the commander!"

So he wanted to see me when he woke up? Fine. I'd give him something to look at. Tears stung at my eyes as betrayal coursed through my veins. The elevator rose.

How could he…


	5. The Desire

**Jeeze! I'm a writing slave over here. So I've been turning out these Chapters fast as I can and I got writers cramps from it. I'm planning on continuing this story for quite some time so I want you all to be happy. BE HAPPY DARN IT!!!! I hope you all are enjoying it. Things are getting steamy. **

**PLEASE REVIEW. The more reviews I get the faster I write!**

**-Emma**

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Chapter 5

The elevator wasn't moving fast enough for me, and I kicked the side of it angrily. Finally, the meter beeped onto the Commanders floor, and the doors slid open to Shepard waiting for me on the other side. He was smiling at me, his eyes crinkling gently. I forgot why I was there for a moment, and I felt myself smiling back. He stepped forward to draw me into a hug. I rested my head on his chest, my mind swirling as I breathed him in. Clean. Strong. His hand stroked my arm running down the length of it until he came to my hand. His large hand wrapped easily around mine as he tugged lightly.

The gun was gone. He kissed the top of my helmet, "Doctor Chaktaw said that you would be up shortly to kill me. I'm not sure what I've done, but I guess I'll find out soon enough." He tucked my gun into the back of his pants. "However, I would prefer to chat without a gun in your hands. I've seen you fight Tali, I'd rather not die today." He chuckled. The sound was comforting. No! All lies. I pushed him away from me, anger returning.

"Shepard you bastard. How could you?" I stormed past him to his room. There was a pause before I heard him follow with a sigh.

"And what exactly have I done?" He tried to pull me back into him but I darted away. Not this time. He leaned against his desk, crossing his arms as he waited for me to continue. So confidant.

"You told me you were on Omega. On a mission," I shouted. His face darkened, the veins on his neck pulsing. He was angry that I had said that. Angry at me?

"I lied," he hissed simply. Angry with himself it seemed. This caught me off guard. I stopped pacing in front of him.

"No kidding. I don't understand Alex," I begged, using his first name to ground myself. "You've been gone a week and you come back shot. I was too concerned for your health before to ask any questions but…I'm asking them _now_."

He stood up, almost stomping past me to walk into the depression where his bed and sofa was. He stood by the fish tank, tapping it impatiently. Silently.

I guess it was still my turn to talk so I continued, "I believed that you might just care about me. I mean…I knew it was strange but…I _believed_ it! If you love Liara still then why didn't you just let me down easy? Tell me you weren't interested. I could have accepted that!" He sighed again, trying to release the tension from his body.

"Because that wouldn't have been true—" I cut him off.

"I wouldn't have cared. You can't have both. I wont be your sugar on the side. Or whatever the hell you humans say! I wanted all of you! I understand if you want to be with her, or even be with Ashley again. You are a very…handsome man. I can understand how you are in…high demand. But I'm not going to follow you around like your damned shadow." He was silent again, his blue orbs burning into my face. I knew he was searching for my eyes through my facemask.

The tinted glass made it nearly impossible to see anything except the light glow of my silver eyes. Quarian eye's glowed eerily, and the light could always be seen. We did not have as many color choices as human eyes did. The profits of Keelah told us that our eyes reflected out souls. Silver, Copper, and Blue were the only three colors in our species. It did not lead for genetic differentiation. Only two percent of Quarians had silver eyes, where as the rest of the population had Copper of blue. It was the Silver Eyes that had done the most amazing things in our history. I always wondered what that meant for me.

"Tali—"

"No! Don't _Tali_ me! I went through so much trouble for you! I've been injected with enough immune boosters in my system that I feel almost too healthy. The side-affects of this drug make me want to tear off my cloths and throw myself at you. And I could right now if I wanted to! I was going to finally be able to touch you and love you. All I had wanted was for us to be together…" I paused, the medicine making my head spin. I hadn't meant for that to slip out. No use regretting it now.

"Tali please I—" He tried again. I wouldn't let him talk.

"Stop Shepard. I don't want to do this with you. I can't. I shouldn't have expected that you could love me but—"

"Tali! Why is it so difficult to speak with you? Seriously. Please just listen to me." I stopped. "I do _not_ love Liara. Nor do I love Ashley. Or anyone else in this universe! I'm sorry for lying about where I was going. I went to speak with Liara, that's it. Nothing happened between us," he said.

"Why didn't you just tell me that?" His gaze flickered a bit. Embarrassed.

"I didn't want you to think badly of me. I…well…Liara and my talks used to be…a bit heated. We didn't really even talk...I mean, it was completely casual. But…"

"You went to her for sex," I stated plainly, my heart dropping in my chest.

"When I won against Saren, everything was moving so fast. All my frustration and anger had something to go towards. But when the fight was over, I was stuck with all this…baggage. I didn't know what to do with it. Then Ashley left me for a while. She was angry because I was drinking and restless. We only got back together a few days before the Normandy was destroyed," he began. Shepard's voice was distant and sad. As if the room had disappeared and all he saw was his memories. I wondered if all those times I'd watched him stare out into nothing were really times when he was stuck in his violent mind. Mulling over ever bloody and confused decision he had made.

"Liara found me in one of my…_states_ and offered to help. Things were over with Ashley and I…didn't know what to do. You had left too, gone back to help your Fleet with a Geth attack. I had no one to go to, or to even talk to. I was alone again. A repeating factor in my life…" I didn't like hearing that he was so broken inside. My defenses were slipping away, being replaced with a concerned demeanor. I turned my back to him.

"I didn't want to tell you because it made me seem…savage. An animal that could never be satisfied. I wasn't being a good Commander. I was just this huge mass of…lust and anger." I didn't like this, not one bit. Sex with her: _repeatedly_. But…should I be angry with him? I had read about Human male needs while I was doing my research. The desire was so powerful for them. It scared me to think I would have to fill those needs so often if we were together.

"Maybe you should go…" he sighed. I spun around, confused.

"Why?" I asked, stepping towards him instinctively.

"Listen, I know what I did wasn't…very gentleman like, and I know that I shouldn't have lied. If you can't trust me now, when we're first getting into things then how could you trust me if things got heavier, right? I'm not going to beg you to stay, even though I want you to. I just want you to be…happy, and I'm sorry. I wanted to do that for you, but I know that my past is a problem sometimes. All times…" His voice was quiet; shy almost. It was obvious that he didn't know how to put into words what he was feeling. "It's a part of me, all the dark places that I try to tie up and hide away. I've done horrible things Tali," he said, tracing a scar on his face as he spoke.

"I was wrong…" he whispered again, his gaze distant. I was silent, and he turned away from me walking to the window to look out into empty space. My mind told me to storm out but I was stuck where I stood. This was the second time that the Commander had broken down in front of me. Had he ever shone this side to anyone else? _Would_ he ever show anyone this again? I wondered if me leaving was putting the Commander in a danger that not even he could win against. Himself.

My hands lifted to my mask nervously and I released the seals for the second time today. The facemask fell away and I pulled at my helmet next, putting both onto his desk. I wrung my hands, uncomfortable with the fresh air that streamed through my lungs. My hair fell down a little past my shoulder, silver ringlets bouncing as they were released. I pulled my hood back so that it fell away softly. Would he think me ugly?

I was suddenly very self-conscious. Quarians were very fragile. Our noses small, lips thins and curved gently, cheekbones high and eye brows naturally trimmed thin. I had seen many pictures of Human females. Some of them were very alluring. How could I stand up to someone like Miranda? I had seen her eyeing me when I stormed into the elevator earlier. She knew where I was going. I saw a flash of jealousy flash on her face before the doors slid shut. Though our anatomy was very similar for Human females, I couldn't imagine being a satisfying substitute for a man as great as Commander Shepard.

I walked over to where he stood and hesitated before putting a hand on his shoulder.

"_Alex_…" He turned to me, his eyes widening when he saw my face for the first time. He was shocked. His hand lifted slowly to my face, cupping the side of my face. His thumb drifted softly across my lips and he stared into my eyes.

"_So beautiful_…" he murmured dreamily. Need took over as I pressed my lips to his. They were soft and warm. Gentle and rough. They were everything I had hoped for and more.

I felt his hand rise up my back, pulling me against him almost viciously. The hand on my face moved to touch my hair, brushing at it tenderly. Our lips were tangled and I felt his tongue tap at my teeth, begging to be let in. I was nervous again. I didn't know how to do _any_ of this. He must have sensed my hesitant, for he drew back the question, satisfied with our lips dancing gracefully across one another. He pulled away from me to kiss my jaw line, nipping. His lips dragged down my neck, leaving a cool trail of goose bumps where it had traveled.

"_Alex,"_ I breathed. His mouth came back to time and I whispered another moan before he silenced me. We turned and he pushed me up against the window. The wall was cool and smooth against my back. He placed one of his hands above my head as he again, asked for entry. This time I opened my clenched teeth, letting him explore. I had thought that having his tongue in my mouth would be disgusting but I found it…_arousing_. My whole body hummed as we breathed into one another.

His hand ran up my thigh 'till it reached my buttocks, squeezing as he lifted my thigh and guided it around him, locking me into place. I was in complete submission. All anger from before was gone. Replaced now by a burning desire that was flickering through my system. My hands fell around his neck as I fought for control. My mind was drifting away fast. He smelt so _good._ His skin tasted alien on mine, but the salt made him all the more tempting. He was gentle with me, like a toy that he was afraid of breaking.

He drew back, breathing against my neck once more. His body shook roughly as he chocked, "I love you Tali…" I pulled him back to look at his face, my hands running over it. He was crying. The great Commander Shepard was crying.

"I don't understand," I tried. "Have I done something wrong?" I wiped the tears from under his eyes with my thumb, being careful around his yellowing bruise that still lay under his eye. He just shook his head.

"I'm not going to let you do this."

"Alex…I don't—" He put his hand to my lips, quieting me. He let my leg fall as he tried to step back. I clung to him. "Don't go. Whatever I did I am sorry. I'm not angry with you about Liara. I swear." His head swung back and forth once more. He kissed my neck lightly.

"I'm not good for you Tali. There's too much…I've done _too much_. I'm always going to have a war to fight. Always decisions to make. I can't let any of those hurt you."

"Alex I'm not afraid of—mmph!" He leaned in and kissed me passionately into submission. My grip on him tightened. I wanted him to hold me close and tell me he loved me again and again. I wanted to feel his hot breath all over me. I wanted to feel his desire like sparks across my body. I wanted to _feel_ him. To put out the fire in my veins.

It was my turn to let go of his lips and to reach for his ear. "Don't go _Alex_." I was mush in his arms and that was all I could muster as I wrapped my arms as tightly as I could around his neck, hugging him intimately to me as I kissed his ear. "It's _okay_…" I sighed lightly. I knew he needed to hear it. His arms tightened around me, making it almost painful to be held so closely. "You don't have to run from me. It's _alright…_I'm right here."

"I'm sorry, Tali…" he moaned. I looked into his face, smiling in the gentlest way I could. He closed his eyes as my hand ran down his cheek. I kissed his eyelids.

I unraveled myself from him, letting my hands fall to the edge of his loose shirt. My hands ran up the inside of the fabric and he growled deep in his chest. Animal like. There was a familiar throb. His chest was like stone in it's toned perfection. My fingers traced over each muscle. I pushed him with all my strength and he fell back onto his bed. I crawled to him, tugging the material over his head and laying my face against his chest when the shirt was cast away. He was so very warm.

I listened for his heart. It was strong in his chest. I could feel more of his scars scrape against my frail cheek. He had been through so much. Dealt with more things than he had let anyone know about. I let my finger draw circles around one of his nipples absentmindedly.

_He knew those Mercs were there. A man like Shepard isn't stupid enough to think that no one would recognize his face on Illium._ The doctor's words spun around my head. Was he looking to be hurt? I leaned back to look into his eyes. He had been looking at me too and I blushed.

"I like seeing the color in your face. I didn't know that Quarians were so beautiful under all that material. I knew _you_ would be at least. Your eyes are mesmerizing," he whispered. "Like Earth's moon at midnight. Almost cat like." I leaned up and kissed his lips lightly, unsure as to what a cat was.

"Thank you." I was still so nervous. What was I to say to him? Or do? I didn't know what was the next step. In the video clips that I had watched of human intercourse the females were always so eager to strip for the males. What was the point of clothing if they just wanted to rip it off? I had seen a few clips of the males ripping off material as they dug for their prize. I liked the fire in their eyes. I had imagined many times of Alex doing just that to _me_.

I sat up, my knees on either side of his torso. I pulled my hair to the side and reached behind me to release the airlocks of my suit. The armor fell away easily, thudding lightly to the floor. I was left only in the thin fabric that was worn standard underneath. Like his shirt, the fabric was tight against my skin and you could see my breasts perk to attention as the cold air of the room hit them.

He was watching me, lust in his eyes. I felt the air drag in and out of my lungs anxiously. I grasped the bottom of my shirt, peeling it up slowly. He took my hands and pulled them away, shaking his head.

He leaned up and kissed me, snaking his arm around me as he flipped us over. I felt a pillow appear under my head, as he pulled back from me. He gazed into my eyes, as he smoothed my hair back. A smile played at his lips and he kissed the hand he held in his.

"We're not having sex Tali," he whispered, kissing my nose next.

"What? Why not? I'm not at too much risk! It will be alright." He continued that frustrating head shake.

"I want to be with you because I love you. I don't want you to think that I only want this for sex. If we never did, I would be fine with that. Just lying in bed with you for an hour would make me the luckiest Human in the universe. I don't want you doing this because you think you need to satisfy me or because…you're jealous of Liara…"

"I'm not…jealous," I lied. I was always going to be jealous of Liara, but that's not why I wanted him to take me.

"Aren't you? I don't want you to rush into anything," he said, wooing me. He was looking into my eyes as his face drew closer. I couldn't let him win over me. My thoughts were disappearing into the depths of desire as my body responded to his touch.

"_Alex…Just shut up and touch me…"_ I moaned, placing his hands over my breasts. He paused staring at his hands, before I applied pressure to them. His eyes moved back to mine, a new evil burning in them.

"Are you sure—"

I grabbed the growing bulge in his pants and he moaned, his eyes rolling back into his head. I growled kissing down his body lower and lower. I pulled at his pants and smiled viciously.

"I said shut up Commander. That's an _order_…"


	6. The Act

**Thank you for all the fantastic reviews! This story WILL be continuing. Throw ideas my way though and I could give you some credit. Also, I'm sorry that I actually put this chapter up already and I had to take it down because I wasn't satisfied. So sorry about that! But here it is now!!!**

**Emma**

***Teaser: If this story continues, there will be trouble between Miranda and Tali. Let's just say Miranda doesn't like losing.***

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"_Tali_…" he growled, his jaw snapping shut as a growl ripped from behind his teeth. "That's not…fair." His breathing was getting labored as he fought to restrain himself. Sweat was beginning to accumulate on his brow as my lips dragged down his body. His skin had a mixed taste of sweet and salty. How many times had I dreamt about touching his skin? Kissing my way over every crevice of his body? I found it hard to fathom that this was really happening, or even that he had wanted it to happen as much as I did. My eyes flicked up to his, glinting viciously.

"Cry _mercy_," I purred, letting my teeth flash at him. I can only image what I looked like; eye's lidded heavily as my canines glinted in my mouth. The immune boosters were now completely in my system and their unfortunate…_side effect_ was becoming more and more apparent. All my self-reserve was slowly dissolving as my fingers curled around the top of his pants.

"_Never,_" he moaned in reply. My hand snacked over and around his growing bulge and I smiled as his head fell back against the pillow. I kissed it through the fabric and I felt it twitch.

He sat up suddenly, spooking me and making me jump. It was a stupid moment of weakness on my part. He scooped up my wrists in one hand, holding his other hand on the small of my back as he flipped us over. He wasted no time with words as he dove in to kiss me. His lips were feverish now, with an aching desire that matched mine. Hot. Perfect.

"You know," I panted, breaking away as he moved down to my neck. "You can't always be in control, _Commander._" He pulled my wrists above my head, pinning them near the headboard as if to make a point. His eyes came to meet mine, a dangerous shine in them. He lifted a few locks of silver hair to smell, releasing them when his hand found a new pass-time. It traveled down the length of my arm: down my torso, until it reached the edge of my shirt.

"You're on _my_ ship Miss vas Normandy. You serve under _my_ command. And you must understand one thing implicitly…" He began, kissing me again. His hand snuck up my shirt searching for something. He found his goal grasping it firmly in his hand and squeezing. My back flew off the bed as I arched in pleasure, gasping as fireworks clouded my vision. "You're _mine_," he hissed. "Now…cry _mercy_."

He mimicked the same words I used on him with more of a bite to them. Even if I wanted to cry mercy I wouldn't have been able to as my back dropped to the bed. All the things I wanted to say to him were caught in my throat as he pulled my shirt up to my chin. More goose-bumps enveloped me. Shepard's hand moved to cover as much area as it could on it's own.

"So..._beautiful,"_ he breathed, just loud enough for me to hear. I smiled internally, all insecurities disappearing. There were no lies in his eyes as he spoke. His face lowered to my breast and he kissed it. I shivered, straining against the hand that restrained me.

"Alex _please…_" I moaned, my eyes fluttering shut. So _this_ was what everyone was so worked up about. If this was how it always felt, I couldn't imagine how people could ever get out of bed. "_Keelah…"_

_"_Yes? Is there something you need?" he mocked, kissing at the flesh between my breasts.

"It's too much, I...I want..." I couldn't finish my thought.

He stopped abruptly, releasing my wrists gently. My eyes flashed open worriedly. Had I said something wrong? He took my hand, pulling me into a sitting position. I looked at him in confusion and he smiled assuringly. I relaxed slightly. I felt his hands at my waist, and I closed my eyes to dwell in the touch.

His fingers drew the fabric of my shirt higher and higher. I lifted my arms above my head so that he could slip the shirt off. His strong arms pulled me against him. With his skin wet and hot against mine, I felt myself sigh in content. This was what I had been waiting for all those years. Thiswas what I had been sobbing over for months when I'd learned of Shepard's death. The loss of _this_. The loss of _him_.

"I don't ever want to lose you again," I murmered, kissing his shoulder. He breathed me in, moaning sympathetically. He must not have liked to hear about how much his death had hurt me, but I knew he thought about it often. He blamed himself. I tried to draw him closer to me, "I don't know what I would do if you—"

"Then don't even think about it. I wont ever let you get hurt, Tali. Which mean's that if losing me hurts you, then I can't very well go anywhere now can I?" He chuckled, shaking us. All the vicious desire has disappeared from the atmosphere; replaced with a gentle…_need._ His touches were soft on my skin once more. His hands ran back and forth over my back as my head was tucked into the crevice of his neck. We were silent as we held one another, yearning to be closer. He lowered me back down to the bed, our faces never splitting too far apart.

I closed my eyes. His lips brushed against my cheek, my jaw, my neck, and my collarbone before sucking my nipple into his mouth. I gasped, heat weaving through my nerves before hitting me down low.

_Throb._

His tongue swirled around my nipple, his hand massaging the other. I was in pure bliss. I felt almost giddy in thinking that this feeling could recur whenever I asked it of him from _this_ moment on. A giggle escaped my lips just as the Commander switched over to the other side. I moaned every time he pulled away and the air bit at my wet nipple. The waiting was driving me mad. There was a thirst in me that I couldn't quite figure out how to quench.

"I don't…_understand…"_ I huffed, frustrated in myself. It must have been something that _I_ wasn't doing wrong, right? It was unfathomable that this fantastic man upon me was leaving me _starved_ on purpose. His face lifted and he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

"What don't you understand?" he asked.

"I want…_more_," I tried to explain, frowning. "I still feel this..._desire_ for something---else! You know? Here," I continued, laying my hands on my lower abdomin where the heat was eminating from. He smiled mischievously.

"I might be able to fix that for you. If you want me too, of course." I stared suspiciously at him, but nodded. He pulled up, grabbing my pants and pulling them off gently. I locked my legs together over my underpants, embarrassed at the sudden exposure. He drew back, concerned. "I wont…I wont do anything if you don't want me too Tali."

I forced my legs to relax a little to quickly and he rolled his eyes. "You're like a teenager who can't make up her mind…"

"I am not! I have made up my mind! I'm just…nervous…" I sighed again. He kissed me tenderly, and I felt myself smiling through it.

"Don't be. Here, I always find that being under something makes it less frightening. Some people don't like seeing themselves." He tucked the both of us gently under the sheets. His eyes locked onto mine, pulling me into a hypnotic state as he pulled my last garment off me. It was warm under the covers but I couldn't help but to snuggle closer to him.

"I love you…" I moaned, my body tensing in anticipation.

"I love _you_," he returned as his hand traced over the newly revealed flesh. "I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to Tali. Just tell me when things get uncomfortable for you and I'll stop faster then you can get the whole sentence out." He separated my legs slowly, trying not to scare me. I nodded, feeling one of his fingers run along my lips, hesitantly. "_Breath_…" A finger slipped into me easily and I moaned in pleasure. He waited a few heartbeats for my body to relax before pulling his finger in and out, steadily.

"Is this alright?" he asked, his voice lowering. He swallowed hard.

"Please…_more…"_ I begged, grabbing at his hair for support. My fingers scraped at his back as I tried to make him go in deeper. He sped up slightly, slipping another finger in. It was only slightly uncomfortable, but the feeling was quickly replaced with more pleasure. I was pushing against him unconsciously, my hips bucking as air wheezed in and out of my lungs. I was climbing higher and higher on a cliff, not knowing where it was leading. And then I fell, my body jerking as my body fell from the blissful climax.

Somewhere distant, I could feel Shepard kissing my neck as he cradled me down from my high. He brushed my hair out of my sweat-covered face as I opened my eyes to see him smiling down at me. I couldn't quite speak, I could only pant fast and tiny gulps of air in and out of my body. He looked concerned, his eyes trying to read my expression.

"I liked that…very much…" I croaked. He snickered, letting me kiss him. Even after that amazing experience I still didn't feel completely satisfied. "I feel badly that I'm the only one getting anything out of this however." His face darkened.

"Trust me, I'm getting much more out of this then you can imagine. I've been thinking about this for far too long. You can't _imagine_ what actually _acting upon the need_ it is doing for me," replied Shepard, his voice low and husky. He took my trembling body in, hungrily.

"Are you sure there's nothing that I can do for you? Nothing I can do to release," I put my knee against his crotch, applying a slight bit of pressure, "the pressure?"

"Ugh…Tali. It's hard to control myself when you're being so…_irresistible_. I want this to be perfect for you but…_it's hard to stay in control."_ I pushed myself up onto my elbows, nibbling on his ear.

"Then stop holding back."

"I don't want to..._hurt_ you," he almost barked.

"Shepard......_take....me...**now,**"_ I said, making sure my voice sounded light but commanding.

That seemed to be reason enough for him as he snarled at me. I liked this rougher side of him. Not that I didn't enjoy his tender touches, but this Shepard was so…irresponsible. So ruled by pure _want_. Desire for _me_. Need to touch and love me, to drive into me and relieve the pressure that was obviously building. I hadn't realized what I my body did for him, and it made me feel powerful.

I let him pull away from me as his pants melted off, leaving our naked bodied pressing against one another. His hard member pressed against my thigh and I lowered my hand to grasp it. He moaned when I made contact. A gasp escaped from my lips, as it's approximate size registered in my head. Would he…_fit? _It didn't matter. As long as he was happy, I didn't care if it hurt me. I knew he wouldn't let me suffer and that thought eased the worry that lay heavy on my mind.

"Let me help you," I said, trying not to let my terror enter my voice. I guided him slowly to my entrance and his tip entered me.

"Just listen to my heart okay? You need to relax or this will hurt. I don't have to keep going," he said with lust dripping over every word. His body shook as he held himself back. I was amazed that he still _could_ keep himself from me. Even partly inside me, he was trying to be a gentleman. I knew that the need must be unbelievable strong. In answer I took a deep breath and wrapped my legs around him squeezing and forcing him into me. The pain...was more than I expected and I couldn't help but cry out. He started to pull out of me, but I held him steady.

"No…" I groaned, tears in my eyes. He wiped the water away with his thumb concern covering his face as he tried to pull out once more. "I want this. Just…_please_. Keep going." He hesitated but I forced myself to push myself against him once more and he moaned in pleaure. He drew back before pushing swiftly back into me. He was on a slow but steady rhythm now. I felt my body relaxing grudgingly as the pain started to subside. His mouth covered my nipple again sucking and nipping at the sensitive flesh, making me moan. He blew on the wet skin, sending sparks through me.

"You're so..._tight_. It feel's so...good..." he moaned again. "Oh _God_." He picked up speed a little, playing with my chest as his mouth found mine. I sighed into his mouth as the pleasure was growing. Our tongues were swirling and tears fell down my face. I wasn't sad. Not even slightly. I was so incredibly happy at how close I felt to him right now. He was so gentle, so kind to me as we made love. Because it _was_ love.

It was starting to feel so _good_. The pleasure was drugging me into simple submission. Shepard's hand was around my neck, holding me down and I was giving into his will easily. He was pumping into me with vigor now, still holding back from me. "_Faster_," I implored. He groaned, and I felt his guard lower. His speed was increasing with every thrust and I could feel my body start to climb once more. _More, more, more…_

"_Tali_…" The room was spinning. He kissed me roughly, licking my teeth. I tasted blood. Mine? No. I had bitten his lip. I liked the taste of his blood. His mouth hung open as his half lidded eyes were locked onto mine. Sweat fell onto me. _Faster, faster, faster...._

"_Alex…"_ I could tell that he was about to release himself and he pulled me closer, locking our lips passionately against one another.

"Cry mercy," he snarled, sucking my lip into his mouth. The building tension released in a burst, and we fell together into the dark unknown.

"_Mercy..."_


	7. The Wall

**Thank you for all the fantastic reviews! This story WILL be continuing. Throw ideas my way though and I could give you some credit. Also, I'm sorry that I actually put this chapter up already and I had to take it down because I wasn't satisfied. So sorry about that! But here it is now!!!**

**Emma**

***Teaser: If this story continues, there will be trouble between Miranda and Tali. Let's just say Miranda doesn't like losing.***

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**Chapter 7**

I woke up several times that night in cold sweats. Where was he? What was happening? Why was I here? Millions of questions ran through my head as I looked around the room quickly, the trillions of stars illuminating the room just enough. He was always there, sometimes snoring lightly, and other times watching me. My heart rate would lower immediately when I saw him, and I would scamper over to him, tucking myself into his folds. I liked how easily we fit against one another.

All the embarrassment over my body had dissipated and I reveled in the feel of his skin on mine. I would count his heartbeats to relax, before his low grumbles of "_I love you_…" would lull me back into a deep slumber. It was around two in the morning when I woke up again with a start. I didn't understand why I was out of my suit. My hands fluttered over my body shakily. My breath hitched in my throat, terror blinding as I tried to tear the sheets away from me and search for my armor. His arms found me once more, pulling my back to him.

"_Shh_…Tali," he whispered, his voice groggy. "You're alright. I'm right here." Shepard? What was I doing in his—oh! The events of the night crashed into my head, filling in the gaps. I felt myself blushing as I cringed, trying to calm down. I had woken him up…_again._ At this rate he wouldn't be fit for duty later today. I rolled over, curling my body into a ball so he could collect me more easily into his arms. His hand ran up and down my body, eventually coming to run down my spine to the small of my back. I shivered.

"Are you cold?" he asked, not waiting for an answer as he got up to grab a blanket. I tried to catch his arm, whimpering as he disappeared from my side. He stopped; leaning back down to brush his lips over mine tenderly. "I'm not going anywhere." I nodded, exhaustion taking over as I fell back against the pillows. I heard his footsteps across the hard floor. A drawer opened as he rummaged inside, before crawling back into the bed. He tucked the blanket around me. It was thick and warm. I liked it.

"You forgot to shut the drawer," I mumbled absentmindedly. He chuckled, tucking my hair behind my pointed ear.

"Do I _really _have to go shut it? The floor's cold…" he complained. I sighed, not really caring. "Tali?" He was whispering, testing to see if I was still awake.

"Yes," I murmured, trying not to slip into the welcoming darkness.

"Are you alright? This is the fifth time you've woken up like this. You've given me a heart attack nearly every time. What are you so frightened of?" I opened my eyes to look at him. He was sitting up.

"I don't really know. I'm not used to being out of my suit, so waking up and feeling this…_uncovered_ makes me feel too vulnerable. I get confused." I stopped, sitting up and letting the blanket fall from my shoulders. "Then I see you and I remember. And I calm down."

"You can put your night suit on if you want. I'll go get it for you. You wont even have to move." I shook my head, my hair spilling down my body, even touching over my exposed breast.

"No."

"Alright, alright. That's fine. I just thought—"

"I like being able to _feel_ you. Reminds me this is actually happening," I interrupted.

"I like that too. I just thought you were having nightmares. _I_ usually do but tonight, you seemed to have cured me of them. Thank you for that. Now…_go back to bed_," he sighed, kissing my nose and pushing me back down to the bed as he tucked the blanket back around me.

He rested back onto his pillows, drawing the sheets over his legs as he placed a hand behind his head. I growled, throwing the blanket away as I snuck under the sheets and crawled to where he lay. He laughed quietly as I pulled myself half onto his body, laying my ear over his heart for the millionth time tonight. His pulse was slow, almost _too_ sluggish as I listened to it, comparing it to my own. Naturally, Quarian hearts beat faster than Human hearts by half a beat, and I tried to slow mine to match his.

I ran my fingers over the many scars that covered his chest. The largest ones were obviously from when he had been rebuilt from Cerberus: glowing slightly orange in the dark. I tried not to picture the scars as the puckering flesh, ripped open by dead space—as they had once been. I hated Cerberus with all my being but I had owed them dearly for bringing Alex back to life. Back to _me_. It was the only reason I agreed to help them with their missing colonists.

But now Alex was back in my arms and we had figured out what happened to the kidnapped Humans. Melted down and dissolved into a half Human-half Reaper…_being._ Alex had defeated it however, so my debt was repaid. I owed Cerberus _nothing_ now.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Shepard, yawning as he tried to stay awake. "You seem restless." It took me a moment to understand what he had asked, and that seemed to prove his point. "Hey," he chortled, lifting my chin so our eyes could meet. "What's wrong?"

I blinked rapidly, trying to register his words. "What?"

"I said you seem restless. I would have figured that our night together would have put you to sleep for a few weeks." I scoffed.

"You think so highly of yourself _Alex_." My remark didn't even bruise his ego. His hand slipped between my thighs and I felt myself getting wet just from his simple touch.

_Throb._

"Is that a challenge Miss Vas Normandy? Because I'm ready for a round two—," he yawned, "whenever you're ready!" He slipped a finger into me, to press his point forward. I pulled his hand out, gasping.

"Please no. I can't fight back. I'm too tired. It would not be fair!"

"Who said I wanted to be fair?" he teased, twirling his fingers around my now erect nipples. I pulled away from him, stubbornly putting my ear back over his heart. He was _so_ warm. There was a satisfied grumble deep in his chest as his arms surrounded me. "So immature…"

I ignored his remark, trying to switch the subject before his teasing became too much for me to endure. "Why don't you get rid of all these scars? Didn't the doctor tell you how easy it would be to heal them?" He froze, tensing dramatically. I ran my hand down his chest, trying to relax him.

He laughed unnaturally. "I think it makes me look daring," he joked. I didn't bite. I was feeling bold and I prodded for more in my persistent silence. He heaved a sigh. "They represent things to me."

"What _things?_"

"People who have died. Things I didn't quite do right. Innocents gone. Kind of like Jack and he tattoos. I think of them as my redemption and punishment. I see all those scars and I can remember each mistake. People can see them and they know people have died under or by my hands…" I wasn't expecting this answer but it disturbed me. He spoke as if he was lost, and knew he wasn't coming back. I pinched him lightly.

"I wish you wouldn't do that…"

"Wouldn't do what?" he asked. He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. I shuddered.

"I don't like when you blame yourself for _everything _that has every happened in this damn universe! And don't even bother to say you don't because we both know you do _Alex_." His face crinkled into a smile as I used his first name. He loved it. Savored it like a delicacy.

"Well now, that's a bit of an exaggeration; don't you think?" he scorned playfully.

"Is it?" I bravely urged, not buying it. "Hardly…"

"I blame me for everything that's _my_ fault," he snapped suddenly, his perfect composure wavered. I leaned away from him, flinching. His words felt like he had slapped me.

"Alex, I—"

"Just stop. You don't understand! So just stop…" He turned away from me, rolling so that his back faced me. I froze, tears clinging to the edges of my eyes. My head shook angrily. How could just pull away from me so suddenly. Why didn't he _trust_ me? I knew that I couldn't quite understand all the pain that was constantly being thrown around his head, but how could I learn to help if he didn't give me a chance?

I rolled over as well, trying to contain my shivers as I turned away from him. We lay there tensely for a long while and I forced myself not to turn and look at him. I thought he had even fallen asleep before I heard curse in frustration under his breath. The bed moved slowly. He must have thought that I had fallen asleep but I let him snake his arms around my waist and pull me towards him. His torso pressed to my back and the warmth was welcomed. I didn't talk, letting him think I was asleep. '_Let's see how **he** like's being ignored,'_ I thought sulkily. His lips pressed to the back of my neck. I tensed slightly, not giving in.

"I'm sorry…" he moaned into my hair. I still didn't answer. "Oh _God_ Tali. I love you so much it _hurts_. You shouldn't have chosen me…" This got me, and I melted in his arms. I turned over in his cradling grasp, pressing my forehead to his.

"I don't believe you. Don't believe that you love me. Stop pushing…me…_away!_ You promised that you would never let anyone hurt me, yes?" He nodded solemnly. "When you force me out, _that_ hurts me." He shut his eyes while he slipped into thought. He looked so much older as he went over painful streams of consciousness. I knew I was treading in dangerous water. I didn't want him to take my words as affirmation that he was "_bad for me"._ Whatever that meant. It broke my heart knowing how hard he was on himself.

"I want to honor them Tali. In my mind and through _every_ action. They're dead. All of them, and they'll always stay that way. That's the natural order of things. Their loved ones will never see them again. But what about me? _I_ died! And yet here I am. I haven't done enough good in my life to be able to hold you. To _touch_ you…" He ran his hand over my breast and I moaned. "There are greater men than me, who will never rise from their beds again. I don't like having things that I don't _deserve…_"

There was no point in trying to argue with him at this moment, even if I didn't agree. Choosing my battles with Alex, was one of the lessons that I picking up on fast. He was too emotional to see rationally. I kissed him, slipping my tongue between his parted lips. He tasted bitter, but I enjoyed it. He was a flavor all in himself. When I had satisfied my need, I pulled back.

"So how about me?" I asked.

"What _about_ you?"

"Are you saying that _I_ don't deserve you? That I don't _deserve_ to be happy—"

"Don't be stupid! You of all people deserve to be happy," he interrupted, snatching up my hand. He pressed the back of it to his face. It was hot and feverish.

"Then why can't you honor _me?_ Love me because you _got_ that second chance! Love me because _I_ deserve it, if you can't wrap your mind around _you_ deserving it. Touch me because," I moved his hand to cup my face, "because _I_ want you to touch me…" His thumb stretched to run over my lips. I nipped at it, and smiled. He moved closer to me, touching our mouths together. We embraced.

"I can do that Tali'Zorah. At the very least, _that_ I can do…"


	8. Just Call me Biotic Bitch

**Thanks for the reviewssss. I have at least...Oh gosh....5 or 6 chapters left on this story so dont worry about it. This is a Miranda P.O.V. just as the next chapter will be just so you knowwwww.**

**LEAVE ME MORE REVIEWWWSSS**

**Emma**

***Teaser: Miranda and Shepard lemon???? WHAAATTT!?!?!? (^_^)***

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**Chapter 8**

_Miranda's Point of View:_

Enough was enough. I had let this go on for far too long. She was wrong for him. _Alien._ I stared at myself in the mirror. Genetic Perfection blinked back at me. Every curve of my body was calculated to make me the _ideal_ everything. I could have _any_ man or woman that I wanted. Anger flashed across my perfect features.

_'Well…not **every** man,' _I thought bitterly. My blood boiled as I thought of my advances on him. All in vain. I punched the wall, leaving a deep depression in it. He had shot me down, not even bothering to make eye contact as he looked around me. Searched until his eyes fell on _her._ What made her so special? True I had never seen her face, but there was no fathomable way that she could be more beautiful then I.

It wasn't that I was a sore loser. I punched the wall again. Fine. I _was_ a sore loser. But only when I knew the final tally was _wrong_.

_'He should be with** me**.' _I thought again resentfully. I was tired of walking past Tali and Shepard as they just _held_ one another. He would always be smiling that stunning smile at her; leaning down to whisper kind words that dripped lovingly like honey from his lips. I wanted to lick off that honey to satisfy my deep _hunger_ for him. He should be calling out _my_ name in lustful moans. Not hers.

I couldn't understand what made her so _worthy_ of his touch. I spent _two years_ of my life rebuilding him. _I_ knew him better than he knew himself. Better than _she_ would **ever** know him.

I let my eye's slide shut…

_ I rested against the cold wall, leaning out far enough to see them. Watch them heatedly. It had been **months** of this agonizing "love". Bullshit, in my opinion. As second in command on the Normandy, everyone knew that my opinion ruled over hers. I grinned a little inside. A small victory. He never noticed me watching, but **she** did. It made her nervous and I knew it. She knew it was only a matter of time before I confronted her. If she was smart she wouldn't be looking forward to it._

_ "Alex…" she giggled. He pulled her into him, sliding his hands down her body, and hooking them under her rear. That smile spread across his lips. Devilish._

_ "What? I'm not allowed to want you? To think about touching—" She slapped at the hand that had moved to her breast, and squeezed. I scoffed, I would have let him continue. In fact, I would have let him have me right against the engine room wall. I wouldn't have cared if anyone had walked in. I would continue to rock my hips against him. I had no doubt that he would be able to hold me up. A hand at my neck, holding me in place. Sweaty. **Hot** hands over my skin. Naughty words…_

_ Her infuriating voice broke me from my all to welcomed vision. "Stop that you bosh'tet!" He laughed, unaffected. He knew just how much she wanted him._

_ "But why! I have no good reason not to start something with you right…now." His hands rose to her helmet, toying with the idea to pull it off. I leaned in, interested on what she would do._

_ Her alien hands gently grabbed his wrists and started to pull them down. "Save it for…" she placed his hands back over her breasts, "…later." I saw his brow rise playfully as he squeezed. She moaned. I gagged._

_ "Hmm…Do you have plans for us tonight Miss Zorah? Should I be concerned?"_

_ "It wouldn't hurt to be," she replied breathily. "Because tonight I'm in control, **Commander**. So your fear will make things…exhilarating." His face moved in, kissed her mask._

_ "Afraid? Never." Ew._

The memory was bitter in my mouth. My eye's flickered open, fury fueling them as I stormed out of the bathroom, and out of my room. He was always with her, or her with him. They gravitated around one another like a planet and his moon. I _hated _it.

"Hey Miranda, I was just heading to the Mess Hall for some coffee, you interested?" Kelly Chambers asked. I shot her a look and she shuddered. She let her head fall down, staring at her shoes as I passed. I would explain things to her later, but it was better if she stayed away from me when I was glowing that familiar biotic blue. "Okay…nevermind…"

The elevator doors opened and I stepped in, setting them to lower to the Engine Room floor. I propped myself against the wall, closing my eyes again to try and calm my anger…

_ "Got a second Miranda?" the Commander asked, stepping into my office. I shut away my personal inbox from the Illusive Man. He didn't know I was still working for him under the table. Shepard wouldn't trust me if he did. I let my eyes slide up to his, running over every fold of his muscular body. I couldn't help but undress him in my head._

_ "Of course Commander. What can I do for you?" I flashed him a smile. He smiled back, sitting down and eyeing me warily. I could almost dance with triumph as I saw his eyes linger over my breasts before looking away hurridly. I couldn't blame him. He was just a man. Couldn't help his instincs. _

_ "I was wondering if I could speak to you about…Tali and me." This took me by surprise. Trouble in paradise, perhaps? No…too easy. I reconfigured my perfect expression._

_ "Something wrong?" It was hard to keep the pleasure from falling into my words. Easy girl._

_ "No. Things are perfect. But…I didn't know who to talk to about…I mean…you know that when I was having trouble after defeating Saren that Liara and I…I mean. We got together a lot and—"_

_ "Commander! Are you asking for me to sleep with you?" I teased. He jumped a little, ringing his hands. I had never seen him nervous before. He was usually so calm and collected. This new negative composure must have been something he picked up from Tali. _

_ "Oh! No! That's not what I meant! I just mean…I wanted to let you know that…I wont be doing that. Not to Tali. I'm happy. She's expressed some…concern, towards you. And if something makes her unhappy then I need to stop it." My face darkened slightly. So the alien had noticed my looks more than I had expected. I pulled myself together once more._

_ "I don't seem to understand. What is she concerned about?" I asked. He hesitated._

_ "She…knows that you expressed an interest in me and she's feeling a bit…territorial. She asked me to let you know that I'm not interested. Not that you aren't good to look at! I mean, you are but…wait! That's not what I meant…" He was stumbling over words. If he spoke the truth about not wanting me, he wouldn't have to be here to tell me this. He was trying to convince himself. I smiled. Victory. I could **use** this._

_ "Message understood. I wasn't planning on making any advances. And you can let Miss Zorah know that as well. Now if you don't mind, there's a lot of reports that needs to get filled out." I was dismissing him, and he knew it. He scowled at me. I tried not to wink, as I turned my head back to my terminal._

_ "Alright then…thanks…" I nodded in reply. I heard the doors open and close. He was hesitating at my door. Something else he wanted to say? Most likely. His footsteps came at last as he began to walk away, no doubt back to the engine room to be with his "beloved". Ew._

The elevator dinged as it arrived, pulling me from my second memory. The doors slid open and to my devilish delight, Tali was standing on the other side.

"I figured it was only a matter of time before I saw you down here…_Miranda,_" she spat, hissing my name like venom in her mouth. I smiled dangerously. This was going to be fun.

"_Tali..._Let's chat, shall we?"


	9. Impertinent Brat

**I was sad over not getting as many reviews as I usually do...I hope that means that the last Chapter didn't stink! That's why I've been holding this one back, I was afraid that the story was getting dry or something. I mean, I have things plan but let me know if you think I should abandon this one.... :(**

**Emma**

***Teaser: One more quick one of Miranda point of view. Then Tali. And then Alex point of view? WHAAATTT??***

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**Chapter 9**

_Miranda Point of View:_

"I'm absolutely flattered you came to meet me Tali. Such _hospitality_," I snickered, brushing past her and clipping her shoulder. I took in the room casually. It was always smart to know your surroundings if a fight were a possibility. Not that the _Quarian _would prove to be even a _slight_ threat, but habits were habits. It was a rat hole of a place to be in: fitting for her.

It was cold, but the chill bit pleasantly at my skin. It drew goose bumps to the surface and I shivered contently. When Alex was _mine_, I would being him down here and let him take me against her precious engine terminal. Rub it in her smug little face. She could _watch_ for all I cared.

"Trust me, if it were my choice you wouldn't be here at _all_," she retorted, walking over to stand opposite me. She was tense; her arms crossed over her chest. A _defensive_ stance. So that only left the _offensive_ for me. Good…my favorite.

"That's not exactly how you speak to a friend—"

"You're no friend of mine," she spat. My face darkened momentarily. How _rude_ to interrupt someone when they were speaking. Insubordinate little…

"Then that's no way to speak to a _ranking officer_," I replied harshly. I could imagine her teeth grinding as she fought to stay in control.

"My…_apologies_ Lieutenant Lawson." I liked the venom that radiated from her. A new sadistic smile curled my lips. "Now, what do you _want_?" My heels clicked over the tiled floor as I circled her. Her head moved with my strides, following me warily.

"I came to speak with you about Alex—" I began. She shot towards me angrily, vengeance in her steps.

"He's _Commander Shepard_ to you and _Alex_ to me!" I stopped my invasion, glowering.

"You can't—" She held up her hand to silence me. Her audacity stunned me. I suppose her time with Alec had gone to her helmeted head. I would _fix_ that arrogance.

"I know _exactly _why you're here. I'm not as blind as you seem to think. You're the biggest _bosh'tet_ I've ever met if you don't think the whole crew can see you undressing him with your eyes every time he passes," Tali scoffed.

"Well _someone _has to," I sneered. Her posture loosened smugly.

"Oh don't worry…I _have_. I can defiantly understand why you show an interest in him…he's _very much_ worth it," she practically sang. My face scrunched up in disgust. I hadn't known this. _Damn it!_ If he was willing to jump so quickly into bed with a _freak_ then he must think he's more "_enamored"_ with her than I thought. A minor set back.

"I would appreciate it if you kept those facts to yourself. I'd hate to get sick picturing an _animal_ mating ritual," I said. She snarled at me, almost proving my point.

"What's the matter _Miranda?_ Bed a little cold lately?"

"Hardly."

"You seem to think very highly of yourself if you believe Alex would ever _dream_ of having sex with a tramp—"

"Once he realizes how unsatisfied he is with you, he _will_ look for a…**_real_**woman—" I practically shouted. Damn. How had she managed to get such a rise out of me?

"He came to _me_! He _chose_ me! No you! You know I've asked him if he has even the slightest interest in you, and he assured me that he doesn't—"

"If you really believed that, you wouldn't be so worked up about it. Your emotions make you weak…easy to read," I breathed viciously. She took an unintentional step towards me.

"At least I _have_ emotions!" I faked a hurt expression, laying my hand delicately over my heart.

"Oh dear…such _hurtful_ words…" It was childish, true, but at this point I didn't care what she thought of me. She had struck a dangerous chord. She froze, her hands furling and unfurling as she tried not to last out at me. Ha! As if she could even land a punch. I would have her floating out a window before she could even build up enough momentum to do any damage. "You're so different from him. Alien. _Fragile," _I teased, my voice tantalizingly sweet. She paused, letting her guard drop ever so slightly. There! A weak spot. I pushed forward, attacking the new crack in her weakened wall. "He'll get tired of being so cautious all the time. A man like Commander Shepard needs _fire_ in his life. Passion. Without it, he gets distracted…_weak_. This ridiculous _infatuation_ with you he's fooled himself into is causing him to make _mistakes._ You're too feeble to protect him, and yet you know he would dive in front of a bullet for you. He will be so concerned with _your_ well being, that the mission will no longer be his biggest concern. And _that's _when he'll end up getting hurt. Or worse…"

It was obvious that my words were stabbing into her like knives. They wouldn't have done as much damage unless the same thoughts had already run through her head. Lies were useful, but it was the _truth_that was the most powerful. The facts were stopping her in tracks and tearing at her mind. I knew that even if she pushed the thoughts away now, she would let them _eat_ at her later on. I absolutely _loved_ that fact.

After a silence I continued, quieter than before. Her form leaned in, trying to catch at my advice. "You _will_ get in his was and you'll end up getting him killed. You know as well as I do that when Alexander has something he…_believes_ he cares about…that he'll protect it with his all. It is dangerous life of a man who covets what he loves." I paused, admiring my way with words. If the army didn't work out, I would remember to retire as a poet. Ha! What a folly idea. My eyes flickered back to attention, gazing at the glowing eyes that hid behind the mask. "The Reapers are the most dangerous enemy this universe has _ever_ seen. If the Commander isn't fully concentrated on the task at hand…everything will be lost. Forever. And you my dear, will either speed up his demise as we're under fire, or your death from out-of-suit exposure will hill him _now_," I spat. I was thoroughly pleased with myself. Even if she tried to deny the facts now…they would find her later on. Perhaps even as she lay in his arms, her deepest fears being brought front and center.

"He _loves_ me," she said, barely audible. Her words were stunned and defeated. Victory danced at my lips. I strode casually over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Then walk away now Tali. Save him_ now_! If you get sick from being with him, think of how he'll take it. We both know how fragile you are. And how fragile _he_ is. How deeply that would hurt—" She slapped my hand away, cursing at me as she stepped back.

"He's _mine_. You are far too eager for my death it seems Miranda. It makes me feel badly for you. Jealously does not look good on you." A roar ripped from between my teeth. How _dare_ she! This insignificant bug thought that she stood even the slightest chance against _me?_ Was she _daft?_

"Once Alex has sipped the _wine_," I ran my hands down my perfect curves in display, "he'll _never _again think of the water!" I could feel the biotics pull at the sinews of my muscles, begging to be used on this trivial _beast_. My now blue fists clenched tightly by my sides. Tali took a step backwards as my eyes flashed threateningly. "He _will_ come to me—"

"Over my _dead_ body he—"

"Careful of those words. Because I could _help_ you with that…" I let the blue glow slip away as I regained control al last. A deafening silence followed in the growing tension.

"Alex is going to defeat the Reapers, and then him and I are going to find a place to live. Be a family—" I laughed sharply, making her jump as I threw back my head to scoff at her ridiculous daydream.

"A _family_? And how do you plan on doing that? You can't give him children. But _I_ could…he would have a son. Beautiful and strong. A _normal_ life. He _deserves_ that after all he's done. He deserves to have that life. How stupid are you _really_ if you think that _you_ would ever be able to provide him with that. You're _nothing_…" The room was still for ages.

"How could you—"

"Tali!" Alex burst through the doors, comically balancing two plates of burned food. Whatever they had been before, he had destroyed them beyond recognition. When with _me_ he would learn to cook. "Are you hungry? I made us—" he stopped, looking suspiciously from mask to face. He placed the meals onto a nearby table before walking to stand behind her, his arms snaking around her waist protectively. He kissed the top of her helmet in an almost territorial manor. I tried not to gag as he pulled her tighter against him. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" I pulled any remaining biotics out of my hands, wishing to give him no excuses to inquire more about the situation.

My face was a wall of ideal composure as I turned to him to reply. I smiled, "Commander! You weren't interrupting anything _important_. I was just leaving in fact." His arms tightened around her as she turned her face defiantly away from me. I tried not to scowl.

"Fine then…" he replied cautiously. My heels echoed through the ominous silence that followed as I left the room. My pace quickened when I heard their murmuring voices startup. I stepped into the elevator.

There was no doubt that it was only a matter of time before Alex was brought into the situation, and that would just make things far too complicated. Not impossible of course…but _difficult_. Men could be quite stubborn when they thought they knew what they wanted. I had to speed things up. My brain was already calculating a plan and I entered in directions for the Second Deck. '_Over my dead body. Over my dead body…'_ Tali's words spun around in my mind, fueling the already dancing thoughts. _Dead._ An interesting idea. But no…to _easy_.

"EDI?" I called out, watching as the blue orb popped into view.

"Yes Miss Lawson?" It replied. I couldn't help but smile as the last ends of my plan settled into place in my mind.

"Patch me through to the Illusive Man on a secure channel. And stop this elevator. We're going to be here for a while…"


	10. Love Games

So, thanks to the amazing responds that I've gotten from you all, I WILL be continuing this story! I was concerned because with the territory I'm thinking of heading in too, I needed to make sure there were loyal fans out there who would be willing to give it a shot. :) Glad to hear people enjoy my writing and your reviews really brighten up my day! So please! Continue to Read and Review!!!!!

With my confidence renewed, I unleash this other chapter that I was holding back from you. It's basically the 2nd part of the previous chapter! And I appologize for it being so short. Next chapter will be longer, and there will be LEMONNNNN!!!!!

Emma

***Teaser: You know...taking candy form strangers is bad, true! But it's better than taking food from the chick that wants to sleep with your boyfriend. *sigh* oh tali...you have NO common sense.....***

* * *

**Chapter 10**

_Miranda's Point of View:_

"Commander Shepard has ordered no contact with the Illusive Man," replied the AI. Of _course_ he had. After the destruction of the Collectors base, Alex had made it _clear_ that he would no longer work with the Illusive Man. Of course, in order to stay under cover, I had to break all ties with him as well, but we both knew that our partnership wasn't even close to being over. Following that, Alex ordered all ties with the Illusive Man to be cut off. After a month of silence, I reconnected, secretly of course. No use in involving Alex in something he didn't need to worry about.

"Don't bother wasting my time, EDI. Override command 22I9D7, Information Lock 35PNI on secured channel TK94M." I was always prepared for any obstacles that might arise; it's what made me so good at The Game. My life was surrounded in games. As a child, they were the only things that distracted me from my father. I was a smart girl, so when I paid attention to reality, I could see he didn't love me…but only loved the opportunity I presented him with. As a child, it's devastating to come to grips with the fact that no one _truly_ cares about you. But with games, I could escape from time to time into a world where _I_ made the rules. Things were simple and easy. Excellently structured. Things could go any way I pleased.

People were constantly playing games with my mind, my life, and my heart…that for a while even games lost their enticement for me. But as I grew older, I learned to play the game as well as everyone else. Gambling my chances, my money, my life or my new favorite…my _love._ Hearts, I had learned, were so _easy_ to manipulate. I had always been surrounded with its lies…and now, I could play back. No one could win against me. Not even Joker could completely purge his own _baby_ of the hidden bugs within her system. I was the complete predator: beautiful…_and_ dangerous_. _

"Command confirmed. Opening link." EDI's scanner brushed over my body to establish a video feed before she disappeared, her image replaced with that of the Illusive Man. He was smoking in his usual chair, eyes glowing as he smiled slyly. This was a figure I had grown accustomed to seeing. It was almost…comforting.

"Miss Lawson, what a pleasant surprise. I was wondering when I would hear from you again. How is your work on the Commander going?" he asked, ever the businessman. I leaned back against the steel walls, rolling my eyes at his inquiry. If I was in a link with him, it was _obvious_ that something was off. Small talk was _pointless_.

"Fine, I suppose. Tali's proving to be more trouble then she's _worth_ though. She's making things difficult for me and of _course_ Alex is still looking at her like she's some sort of Goddess. Ha…" He nodded gravely.

"How long have they been together now? I trust you're making Tali's experience as miserable as you can though," he snickered.

"Naturally. It's been five months now, and my patience grows thinner each day. I figured it was time to up the antae. Certainly, Tali wanted nothing to do with a peaceful _surrender_ so obviously this means _war_…"

"I wouldn't have thought the _hunt_ could ever bore you Miranda. Could Miss Vas Normandy truly be abusing your gracious endurance?"

"Only slightly," I sighed dramatically, flicking a strand of hair off my shoulder.

"Not enough to deter you from our agreement I hope," he said, taking a drag off his cigarette. He sounded condescending and I frowned at him.

"Of course not! You help me acquire Alex from the _unworthy_ Quarian, and when he's with _me_ I'll make sure he returns to work for _you._ Trust me, the agreement is strongly in place." His smile widened. The Illusive Man was always an opportunist, and we could both see the possibilities that Alex represented. For him, Alex was the possibility for Human improvement. If he could convince the Commander that whatever was left behind in the oncoming Reaper War was _worth_ keeping, then it could very well put the Human race in advance of the other cultures. To me, it was an easy love equation. Alex was the best and _I_ was the best. Simple.

"Excellent. So then, when will you _dispose_ of Tali? The sooner the better, if you don't mind. We still have no idea when the Reapers will attack but if I was to guess it would probably be another year or two. If we're _lucky_. Dark-space can take a long time to travel through. Like swimming through glue." I shook my head, pushing off the wall to pace across the small space.

"_No_…I'm not going to kill her," I began. He put out his cigarette and leaned forward, interested.

"Oh? Losing control?"

"Never. I'm in full control. The _only_ reason she's still breathing in that filtered helmet air is because her death would be _far _too easy. No _fun_ in that…" He took another drag, nodding as I continued. "Plus, her arrogance has come to annoy me and I've vowed to strike every inch of it out of her system before she drifts away. Her downfall is going to be smooth, swift, and _painful_. She _will_ know that I've won before she slips into the darkness, and she _will_ know how I've done it. You know, she could learn a thing or two from me. And I'll make sure her most important lesson in life, comes from _me_…"

"What lesson is that?" he asked.

I smiled viciously. "How to admit defeat."

He was silent, letting my words sink in. Vengeance tasted deliciously sweet in my mouth and I watched his dark smile flash at me. He obviously liked the plan. "Sounds as if you already have an idea of how you want to approach this," he stated, lighting a new cigarette as he relaxed in his chair. "So…what can I do for you?"

"You know…I've always admired theater. I think people's taste in certain plays shows a lot about a person. Shepard and I share the same taste in it. We both _despise_ the cultural collaborations that have been coming out lately. With good reason, they're _shit_." The Illusive man chuckled at this and I smiled back. "No…we share a common interest. Older tastes. _Shakespeare_ in fact. I find his work to be like aged wine. Perfect for _all_ occasions…" He snickered again as my plan unfolded around us. My eyes locked to his and my teeth glinted in my mouth dangerously. "I'm going to need some extreme muscle depressants. Tali's about to play Juliet, in our very own _performance_…"


	11. The Fall

Chapter 11

I let my legs fall over the bed as my feet dipped into the carpet of my room. Usually, I was in Shepard's room---or well..._our_ room; but I had told him I needed space. Space...a redundant term. We were in the middle of it, how much more could I want? No matter how far I looked in any direction, that's _all_ I could see. Stars, stars, and more stars. They seemed duller to me lately. Less comforting...and yet I'd asked him for it. The last couple of weeks had been disasterous for me. Two weeks ago I had had my confrontation with Miranda and every word she had spat at me was perfectly in sinc with the fears I'd already thought about. Then after a week of her venomous looks mixed with her past words in my mind, I began to push Shepard away, thinking she was right. I couldn't give him what he wanted, nor was I even _close_ to what he deserved. I didn't believe that Miranda was the answer, but I knew I wasn't any better then her. He had finally snapped, begging me to tell him what he was doing wrong. But what could I say? I knew I couldn't lie to him, since he had been nothing but perfect. There were too many fears running in and out of my head for me too answer him. I just shook my head, and asked for..._space_.

So he gave it to me. A week of it. Whenever we passed in the hallways it was all carefully composed conversations. Unnecessary small talk during dinner or debriefings that were only a mask for what he really wanted to say. It was like a deadly dance we were caught in. Twirling in and out of one another's grasps, but never touching. Even if we wanted to. He was careful not to hold my gaze for too long, and after a while he stopped reaching for me out of habit, when I entered a room. He didn't want to push me. Maybe he thought that even the slightest touch from him could send me over the edge. He was of course, completely wrong. I wanted to lean into his touch, to feel his fingers brush over my skin and his breath against my neck. I wanted to meld into him, and just...watch him as he made love to me. Turn over and see him smile in his sleep, so that I could crawl up his warm chest, and tuck myself into him. But he should have _more_ then just settling for a Quarian who couldn't give him anything that he deserves. Children. A family. A sense of security. For Keelah's sake! I knew I couldn't even protect him in the heat of battle! He would always be protecting me...Always be trying to save _me._ And that would get him hurt. I know I should leave him, and break it off before he gets too attatched...but I _can't_. I want it too much. _Need_ it too much...

I leaned my head against the window, letting the tears fall. I was _selfish_. Stupid and _greedy_. I couldn't even stand being away from him now! How would I ever learn to be from him..._forever_? I'd decided a long time ago that if I'd ever lost him again to death, that I would follow him soon after. But what would I do if _I_ was to cause his death? I couldn't think about it. No, I _wouldn't_ think about it...

My omni-tool flashed on my desk and I glanced at it over my shoulder. It flashed again. Urgent notice then. I picked it up, flicking through it until I got to my personal account. It was a message from Joker.

_Hey Tali,_

_Could you check out the engine? I don't know if you're still playing hanky-panky with the Commander this morning in his room, but I've noticed my Girl's been having a bit of a kickback when we disengage from hyperspace. I mean, I thought it was the throttle at first, but EDI checked that and it doesn't seem like that's the problem. Anyways, your sex life should come second to the Normandy, seeing as the Reapers could burst in at any minute and destroy all life as we know it. But hey! No pressure on my end, not like we'd wanna high-tail it out of there when that happens..._

_-Joker._

I rolled my eyes, he could be so damn _dramatic_ sometimes. I was already dressed for the day, having fallen asleep in my enviromental suit the night before. It was hard to fall asleep when your brain wasn't done analyzing things.

I walked into the bathroom that was attached to my room, unfastening my face-mask and putting it carefully on a shelf in order to take my daily pills. I _had_ to have a bathroom of my own on the ship, though it was very uncommon for a crew member. Not that I complained, but now that I was with Alex it made me nervous knowing that some of the crew saw it as his "special treatment" for me. But that wasn't it at all, in fact, the only reason was because sharing a bathroom with others was a risk to my health. Not like _everything_ wasn't an equal risk, but still. I didn't even _like_ being spoiled with gifts. I was a simple person and Alex knew that.

I looked into the mirror in front of me and sighed. Water still clung to my lashes from earlier and I reached in and gently brushed them away. My silver eyes glowed eerily from within my helmet and I blinked, absentmidedly trying to dim said they were his favorite part of me. Said they _calmed_ him, when he thought to much about something. Of course, in bed he's also said that my _breasts _were his favorite part of me, but that was in the fit of passion. Silly bosh'tet...

I sighed again, pulling the mirror open to get the tablets. Something was different. Things were moved around slightly as if someone had been rummaging through my things. Bottles were on their sides, and some were even missing. Strange, maybe Shepard had moved them when he had packed up my things to be moved into our room. But that was _months_ ago: had I really not noticed the change since today?

I poured the days amount of pills into my hand and blinked down at them. An extra pill? There were nine, instead of just eight. I usually took eight didn't I? Maybe I was going completely crazy. Perhaps Doctor Chakwas had slipped in a new vitamin to be taken and I had forgotten about it? I couldn't seem to remember anything. See? This was my problem, all this drama over Shepard had distracted me. And if _I_ was distracted, then he certainly was. I poured myself a cup of distilled water and placed all nine of the pills onto my tongue, taking a sip and throwing my head back to swallow them all in one gulp. It was a pain to take them one at a time, and when you had taken medicine for as long as I had--my whole life--you always came up with ways to make it easier. Something even _tasted_ different in my mouth. I knew I should have cared what I was shoving down my throat, but I felt my self concern drift lazily away. Who cares if I died...it would make things so much easier for Alex. And I _knew_ I would even kill myself for him. If I knew it would help him in some way.

My omni-tool flashed again and I shook my head when I saw that it was Joker. I guess life doesn't wait for you, even for a couple of seconds...

***

My body felt heavy as I climbed the stairs to return to my engine terminal an hour later. I felt almost _drunk_ and weak as I walked; stumbling from time to time. What was going on? It was hard too focus on anything for too long before my vision became blurry. Breathing was becoming harder to do as well. This wasn't good, in fact, this was _extremely _bad. I'd had fevers and sweats that had almost killed me, but nothing like _this_. My whole body ached for me to sit down, but I felt like if I did...I would never get up again. My body was preparing itself for something _big_. Something that could very well knock the breath out if me in no more than one hour. Was it something I ate? Or maybe the distilled water was contaminated. I had find Doctor Chakwas, and _fast_.

At this point I was practically _dragging_ my feet behind me, using the wall as an anchor so I wouldn't fall. If my knees hit the ground, I wasn't sure if I would be able to stand back up again. My head was filled with images of Alex as fear pumped adrenaline through my blood. If I was _dying_, Miranda was right: he wouldn't take my death well since we'd never settled things. He would torture himself, thinking that my death was _his _fault.

**"Or your death from out of suit exposure will kill him _now..."_ **Miranda's sadistic words rang in my ears. She was right...damn it she was _right__! But _I couldn't be _this_ sick, this fast! I couldn't leave Alex behind. Why was this happening? What if I didn't see him in time? If I couldn't apologize for being a bosh'tet to him when I knew I loved him and he loved _me._

I walked past the pipes of a hallway as I saw the elevator ahead of me. Shadows danced on the walls beckoning me forward; giving me hop. It was all going to be fine. I would talk to the doctor, she would give me something to stop whatever this was, and then afterwards I would talk to Alex and appologize.

A hand darted from the darkness and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to them. I made a startled yelp as the arms wound around me, trying to crush me. _No_...trying to _hug_ me. I used whatever strength I thought I could spare to push back on their body and see their face. It was easy to recognize Alex's strong features lightly traceable in the dim room. _Alex_. What was he doing here? After a week of almost being _ignored_, why now the sudden change? His eyes seemed almost frantic and strained. Something I had never seen before, buried deeply in them. _Fear_.

"Alex? What are you doing?"

"Good, so I haven't _completely_ lost you. If you're calling me Alex maybe there's still hope for us then...right?" I didn't understand.

"Why do you think---" He got down onto one knee, wobbling slightly as he took my hands and almost bringing him down with him.

"Tali, I _love _you!" he slurred, kissing the knuckles of my hand gently. I felt myself blushing despite my growing discomfort. I'd never seen him this, _sloppy_. "I can't live without you. I know that this mission could very well kill us both, but I can't imagine spending my last years or months or _days_ with anyone other than you. Loving _you_. I fall asleep needing you and wake up _wanting_ you. Everything I do is focused on you. I haven't slept in days because our room feels....._empty_. I reach over next to me to pull you against my chest at night......but you're not _there_. And I feel cold...and _angry_ over the fact that you _hate_ me."

"_Keelah_ Shepard, you know I could never _hate_---"

"Whatever I've done wrong, whatever I'm not doing..._right_; I'll fix it! I'll give it to you! My god Tali, I can't _live_ without you by my side..." He trailed off, pausing as he seemed to mull over something in his head. A strange look was on his face and I felt my stomach drop. He was going to do something stupid, I _knew_ he was. I wanted to rip off my helmet and kiss him. Silence all the stupid ranting he was doing but I knew he was in no position to listen. After all, I'd just spent a week giving him no hope. But....how could he think that I _hated_ him? Everything he was declaring to me right now was _exactly_ how I felt for _him!_ How could he believe anything other then that? I didn't understand.

His mouth opened and then shut, as he tried to figure out what to say. Finally, he looked straight into my face, struggling not to fall over as he balanced on his knee. "Tali.........let's get _married," _he finally sighed. I took a step backwards. A few months ago, I wouldn't have understood what this meant, but after reading the equivalent of an entire library on Human culture, I understood. Marriage for Humans, was as powerful a binding ritual as a Turian imprinting on it's mate. Together _Forever_.

"Alex...._h-how----" _He shot to his feet, placing his hand on either side of my helmet.

_"_I promise I'll take care of you Tali! I'll protect you from this messed up universe and stay with you until I take my last breath. You want to settle down? Fine! Screw the Reapers! Let's go buy ourselves an island on some tropical planet and build ourselves a house. I know how you hate being cold. We'll start a family! And don't say you can't give me that because I don't _need_ a baby that's half of me in order to have my family. You don't want a kid? That's fine too! Then it'll just be me and you under a clear blue sky..." This was crazy, _he_ was crazy! And I couldn't handle this right now. The whole room was shifting from side to side as my vision blurred and slurred uncontrollably. He sighed onto me, fogging up the glass of my helmet. I could smell something bitter on his breath; it was misplaced among his usually strong and clean scent.

"Shepard have......have you been _drinking_?" I asked increduliously. Wrapping my hands around his wrists to bring them down from my face.

He hesitated noticeably before nodding. "Yes......a _little_. But that doesn't change anything---" I put a finger over his lips, shaking my head.

"I'm not even going to start with you about being drunk in the morning, because you know how I feel about you drinking." I stumbled a bit, but caught myself. He didn't notice. His face was sad, as if I'd just broken things off with him. I brushed my hand along his face to reassure him and he leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. "This is just the alcohol speaking Alex.....you don't want to _marry_ me. You _know_ it's not the right time for that, especially with the Reapers on the way. Besides, you would never leave trillions and trillions of _innocent_ beings alone to fight a force that most of them have _no_ idea is coming! How _rediculous_ of you to even suggest that you could..."

"I want to marry you---"

"No....you _don't_." His right hand lifted to lie against my covered neck and he leaned his forehead against my helmet. He pulled in a ragged breath, squeezing his closed eyes; causing the furrow in his brow to deepen.

"I don't _like_ this Tali..." he moaned in a pained whisper. My heart skipped a beat. It was getting so hot in here, and I was trying to focus on him but I found it difficult. I let my own eyes slide shut and my grip on him tightened as I wobbled. I was getting so....._weak_. I needed to see Chakwas as soon as possible but I didn't want to hurt Alex by tearing away from him. He was too fragile. Plus, if I told him I was sick, I'm sure he would blame _that_ on himself too. As always.

"Please..."

"Everything's going to _shit_ on me, Tali. I don't like being away from you. I don't like waking up alone. I don't like that if I mess up, someone could die. And I don't like that you feel so afraid of what we have...that you want to push it away. Just let me in. Let me _help_ you, and _hold_ you, and _love_...you." My internal temperature reading beeped as it hit a high fever. The room was spinning too fast for me too follow. My strength was being sucked away from me. I tried to stare at Alex and focus on his eyes. "You're my salvation _and_ my damnation, and every other cheesy line that I can come up with until you come back to me," he continued. He had no idea what was going on with me. I was stumbling in his arms, and he gripped me tighter. "I don't want to sit in silence anymore. I don't want to pretend I'm not staring at you when you're in the same room as me. I don't want---...and----love...you-----but _please_---" I was trying so hard to focus on his words, but they were getting muffled. Distant and broken blurbs.

"Alex? Alex, I don't....feel....I.....I _can't_...." I tripped and fell forward, my body finally giving way. Shepard grabbed me easily, letting us sink to the floor as he cradled me in his arms.

"Tali! What's happening? Are you sick?" I knew he was shouting but it sounded no louder than a whisper. How was this happening so fast? "Tali, answer me!" He was shaking me. My suit was beeping violently as my temperature drew higher and higher. This was it. I was going to......._die_ here. I had to tell him.....I had to let him know I was sorry. I tried to pull off my face-mask but it was too difficult and my strength was depleating. He saw what I was trying to do and pulled it off, the air locks hissing as he drew off the helmet right after. My silver hair was braided and damp from sweat as it escaped from my suit.

"_Alex_..." His face was like a battlefeild between fear and anguish as he looked down at me. His hands flew all over my face, not sure where to touch or what to do.

"Tali, I don't understand. What's happening? What can I...._do_!" Something wet dropped onto my forehead. He was..._crying._

"I'm..._sorry _Alex..." I tried again. He nodded furiously, beginning to scoop me up. "_Wait......_" He stopped and looked at me, eyes sliding from feature to feature violently.

"No, don't say sorry....you're _alright_. Stop. Don't say anything. I'm going to get you to the Doctor, she'll help you alright?" He was so upset. I hated seeing him like this. This face of a boy who never got a real chance to just..._be_. The face of a teenager who missed his parents. And a face of a man, who knew he wasn't free. Alex. _My_ Alex. I smiled at him gently, reaching up shakily and brushing his hair out of his sweat covered face. He took my hand and kissed it.

"...._love....you..."_ An audible sob was choked in his chest and he leaned down and fervishly pushed his lips to mine. I savored it, opening my mouth and letting him in. He tasted like he always did. Smooth and _Perfect_. He kissed me again, and I smiled through it this time. Then the darkness swallowed me, and I fell....


	12. Check: Dead

**Hey everyone! So I hoped you enjoyed the teaser and even though I said this was going to be done over the weekend, I wanted to give it too you now! Because of all the excellent reviews I got! Also, I want to have READ THIS WHOLE THING because even though the beginning looks similar to the teaser, it's not exactly the same! So re-read!**

**Please review because I love the reviews oh so much! They truely brighten my day and as you can see, the more reviews I get, the faster I right! SO YOU HOLD THE POWER OF HOW FAST I WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER AND HOW FAST IT GETS PULLED UP. I'd like to think I'm and evil genious at times, but still. :)**

***Teaser: Let's be honest...Miranda doesn't want to just "talk". Oh hell no....she's going in for the kill. Perhaps quite literally......?***

**xoxo Emma 3**

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Chapter 12

**Alex's Point of View:**

Hard liquor was a soldiers best friend. Good for everything. Celebrating a battle won and an impossible mission completed, or drowning your sorrows so you didn't have to deal with them right then and there. If you had seen enough shit in the world.......you learned to drink. Shot after shot, and glass after glass. No ice in that refined brandy....it just got in the way. You weren't there to decipher the flavors, or enjoy the year it was made. You were there to let it slip away from your control while you laid back and watched whatever new memory you had acquired, start to tear you apart. But that was alright, because you were already too numb to care. You let the faces scroll across your blurring vision....one by one. A check list, almost. Kaiden Alenko: Check. Dead. Lucile Kealin: Check. Dead. Presly Muckduna: Check......_dead._ Dead, Dead, _Dead._ Name after name, and face after......._haunting_ face.........you let them pull you down further because you knew you shouldn't still be there; _alive_. It wasn't fair........wasn't supposed to happen. What made you deserve a second chance when they didn't? Their families would never get to see them again. And _you_ didn't even have one to go back to. So you take another sip, and hate yourself.

But sometimes, no matter how much you drank, you were still....._thirsty. _Desperate for something to quench the burning pain in your chest. To put out the _fire_. So you stumbled from your lair, searching for some dark and _beautiful_ thing to lead you head first into hell. Ride you hard until all that sorrow and anguish you felt was replaced with stars behind your eyelids. Private rooms or up against an alley wall: it didn't matter. Omega was the perfect place for it. If you wanted it, there was always someone selling it. Swallow some foreign pill and shower her with kisses. Tell her you love her, even if you were _paying_ her for it. And spiral downwards into ecstasy. That burning desire, now only a faint thrum against your heart. After a while, sex lost it's calming effects too. That's how Liara came into the picture; an old friend offering her....._assistance_. Not even my mind was safe as she pulled at my memories, locking them away and hiding the key. And I would repay her in my own ways.

Lately I hadn't needed any of the comforts or drugs. Nothing was _wrong_ in my life. Only good things surrounded me. _She_ surrounded me. I didn't know what I had been looking for at the bottom of my glass or in Liara's blackened eyes, until _she_ stepped in the room. Sillhouted in her own glorious light. She had caught me drinking once, completely drunk after loosing an engineer to an engine fluxuation. I was supposed to check it the night before. I forgot. And so I drank, and let his face meld in with the others that I'd let down. Check, Check, Check: Dead. I thought she was gunna hit me, and scold me for being a "_bosh'tet"_ but I was wrong. She just walked over to me slowly, pulled off her mask, and kissed me. She was smiling through the kiss. I could feel it on my lips, and it made _me_ smile. I had never been more grateful towards anybody in my life, then I felt right then. She didn't speak a word after that; just let me hold her........and drink.

Who would I hold now? It was so empty in here. So cold. Too quiet. I lifted the already half empty bottle of vodka to my lips and took a deep swig, letting the alcohol burn down my throat and set fire to my lungs. I deserved all the discomfort it brought me. I'd already drained a full bottle, but the pain was still as strong as it had been when I'd left the Medbay. I leaned my head back and shut my eyes which stung from crying. I let her face draw itself tentatively to the front of my mind as the list swirled behind her. _Tali'Zorah vas Normandy_: Check....._dead._

_"__Fuck_!" I screamed, using all the force I could muster to throw the bottle across the room. It landed on the wall opposite me and shattered, a dark stain forming as the remaining liquid seeped towards the floor. I put my hands over my eyes, letting my nails dig into my brow. _"Tali......"_

**Why the hell was this elevator so damn slow? I'd seen ships that had teleporters that could zap you to and from a room in half a millisecond! With all the credits that Cerberus had at its disposal, why was _my_ ships upgrades on the bottom of it's list? A soft groan brought me back to attention, vision swirling as I looked down at the crumpled figure in my arms. Her cheek was pressed against my chest, her long silver braid fell away gently. She was so light in my arms: limp and hot. Her suit beeped constant warnings as me, not helping my growing panic. Sweat covered her exposed face and I shifted her in my arms so I could brush wet strands from her eyes. I pressed my hand to her forhead, flinching as her growing fever burned my hand, but leaving it there while knowing the cool would feel good to her. Her body flinched at my touch.**

**"Alex......" she barely whispered. Her breathing was labored and she wheezed in ragged breaths with obvious effort. I took her suited hand and kissed it feverishly, squeezing my eyes shut for just a moment.**

**"Shh....Shhhhhh, it's _alright_ Tali. I't gunna be okay, I'm----I'm here! I got you...." I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "We're almost there, okay? Just....._hold on_! The Doc's going to shoot you up with something and----......oh _god_ Tali....." The elevator opened then, as if my words were what it had been stalling to hear. I paused a moment, my senses dulled significantly from the large amounts of booze that pumped through my system. I would remember to kill myself after this was all over for being so worthless when she _needed_ me. Reality seemed to set in then, and I stumbled from the shaft. What kind of Commander was I? What kind of _man_ was I?**

**I bumped into someone as I pushed forward. "Commander?" The accented voice asked, a hand at my shoulder as they stopped me. "What's wrong?" It was Miranda, her brows pulled together in obvious concern as she looked into my face. Her gaze traveled to the broken form in my arms and I thought I saw a flash of jealousy as her eyes brushed over Tali's face. "Is that...._Tali? _Remarkable..." I shook my head at her, not caring that it was Miranda's first time seeing her without a mask. I pushed by her, knocking her over as I brushed past. I heard her yelp as she stumbled and fell to the floor.**

**"Get out of the way!" I boomed. I didn't have time to explain things to her and I entered a sprint, running towards the Medbay doors. They opened automatically as I approached and I entered the confined space, nearly ramming into the Doctor as she flitted around the room. She was hurridly setting up a station, and beckoned me over when I came in. I rushed over to the bed she had set up and lowered Tali gently onto it. I supported her head onto a pillow and I felt colder as I heard the air rush from her lungs after being set down. Her head fell gently to the side.**

**"Commander!" The Doctor wasted no time as she stepped in front of me, ruthlessly tearing at Tali's enviromental suit.**

**"How did you know I---"**

**"A device installed on Miss Zorah's suit. It notifies me when there is a change in her immune system. I didn't know you were on your way, but I was setting up a place for her when you came in. Her blood pressure and white blood cell count have been a _mess_ all morning. Commander....what, _happened?_" she hissed, lifting Tali's wrist as she felt for a pulse. I shook my head, trying to clear the confusion and rushed frustration that was clogging my thoughts. I stumbled clumsily backwards until a bed hit the back of my knees, sending me sprawling onto it. "Are you _drunk?"_**

**_"_Yes but---"**

**"Commander! Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what alcohol does to a Quarian's system?" She stuck an I.V. and a heart monitor into Tali's arm and I flinched as I watched it break skin. Wait, the alcohol? This was because I was drinking? ....._I'd_ done this to her? "Well? Do you! It melts it! Like acid on human flesh! How could you be so stupid as to have her drink---"**

**"No! She wasn't drinking with me! I had been drinking on my own! We'd...we had been fighting for _days_ now because I'd done something wrong and she....she wanted time! Or....space, or _whatever!_ I thought she was going to leave me, so I started to drink and then I got this idea to go and find her and--"**

**"You're an absolute _idiot,"_ she hissed once more, hurrying over to pull a syringe off her desk. **

**"I don't know what's happening to her! I swear it Doctor Chakwas. I pulled her aside to...to talk down in the Engine room and the next thing I knew she---" The heart monitor's steady pulse was replaced with a frantic warning as the bumps on the screen transformed into a steady line. The doctor hissed and I looked at her in confusion. "What's happening?" I asked. She ignored me and stuck Tali's arm once more with a needle, watching the monitor for a change. There was none.**

**"Damn it!" She cursed, turning back towards a cabinate and rumaging frantically though it. I'd never heard her swear before. **

**"What! What's going on---"**

**"She's flatlined! I need to pull her back but---Damn it! I don't have the right equipment for this type of recessitation---"**

**"Wait!" I flew onto my feet, panic quickly flowing through my already alcohol and adrenalyn filled senses. "Recessitation? You.....you mean her fucking _heart's _stopped?" I demanded. She just looked at me gravely. I took a step forward and fell to my knees beside the bed, reaching out and taking Tali's hand gently. I kissed it softly, and squeezed. "Don't you dare Tali! Don't you dare leave me alone here! I'll do better I---"**

**"Commander there's no---"**

**"Do something Chakwas! Save her! Give her some drug or antibody you picked up somewhere. Just---"**

**"Please Shepard I need you to back up I---"**

**"Tali? Tali don't you dare, you hear me!" No response. I was screaming then, tears flying from my eyes as I shook her arm viciously. "You can't just go! You can't just---"**

**"Commander!" I fell back as she pushed me away to stick another needle into her arm. "She's not responding! EDI! I need you...to.....two doses of.....if.......too _late_....." She was yelling at me to do something now but I couldn hear her. Everything was slowly drifting away. The sounds in the room being replaced with a familiar memory. My mothers screams rang in my ears. It was over. It was _all_ over......**

I stood up, falling forward and catching myself against the stairs before my head hit. I pulled myself up again, trying to ignore the room shifting drunkenly through my eyes. Glass crunched beneath me, but I barely felt it cut into my bare feet as I stumbled to my desk. I crumpled to my knees once more, pulling a picture with me as I fell. This frame was new. Not broken like the one I'd had of my family. It was crisp and perfect. I ran my thumb longingly across the image. She was lying in bed, asleep and oblivious to me and my camera. Perfectly serene in her slumber. She was curled up on her side like a cat napping, and her bare arm was draped over where I had just been lying. A smile was playing at her lips and I remembered she had just sighed contently as she pulled the thin sheets higher onto her body, shivering slightly. Her silver hair flowed freely over her shoulders and a pointed ear poked out from it. She was my angel. My everything.

"Oh g-god..." I choked, a sob breaking from me. I could picture every detail of that night too. Our night had been filled with passion and lust, and I'd told her I'd loved her. I hadn't realized how true that statement was until she asked me about it afterwards....

**"Do you love me Alex?" she asked, nuzzling into my bare chest. I tightened my grip around her and placed a protective kiss on her head. She smelled delicious: like flowers and metal. **

**"Yes. Why?" She trailed a finger lazily across my skin and shrugged before sighing in response. "You don't _believe_ me?" She shook her head viciously, sending her hair flying in all directions.**

**"No, no I believe you, I just.....I like _hearing_ it. No one has ever....said that to me before." She pressed her lips to my stomach in a kiss before laying her face against it once more. "And you know what else?" she asked. I laughed at the innocence in her voice.**

**"What?"**

**"I think I love you too. No.........that's not right---"**

**"What! You've changed your mind so soon?" I prodded playfully. "So you _don't_ love me?" I threw my arm over my eyes dramtically and faked a sob. She pushed back from me, laughing as she threw my arm to the side.**

**"You never let me _finish!"_ she laughed, slapping me. "Because that's not what I meant!"**

**"So then what," I kissed her nose, "do you mean?"**

**She hesitated a moment, just staring gently into my face and smiling. "I mean," she finally began, "that I don't _think_ I love you. I couldn't just _think_ something like that. I feel it. Right _h__ere_..." she placed a hand over her heart and smiled again. "This is something that I feel so much....right here. In my chest or...._heart_. This is something that, if you could feel it too.....you wouldn't just think I loved you. This feeling is so powerful that it leaves no doubt. So I don't think I love you, no. I _know_ I do." She blushed, shaking her head slowly. "Silly, yes?"**

**"Well I'll say it as many times as pleases you, because _I_ know I love you." I lifted her chin. "Just say a number." She leaned up and kissed me, smiling.**

**"Say it again...." she murmured through our begging lips. I flipped us over, pinning her beneath me and grinned stupidly. **

**"I _love_ you," I obeyed, playing along and sneaking in another kiss at her neck. She squealed delightedly, giggling. **

**"Again."**

**"I love you Tali'Zorah."**

**"Again---" I pressed my feverish lips to hers to silence her, slipping my tongue into her mouth and trying to protray just how I felt in that one kiss. I finally broke away to let her catch her breath. She just stared up at me, her breath a steady pant as she gazed intently at me. I smiled gently and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. One more kiss against her lips. **

**"I love you....Tali. Don't ever forget that....alright?" I whispered, my forehead against hers. She just nodded slowly, and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me back down to her.......**

"Shepard? Are you in there?" A knock at the door pulled me from my memory but I didn't respond. "Please Commander....."

"Who's it?" I slurred, a hickup choking my words. I leaned over and opened a drawer, pulling out new bottle of vodka and smashing the top of the bottle against the floor to open it and filling my mouth with the violent liquid.

"What just broke?" She pounded on the door this time. "Alex _please_! It's Miranda, let me in! I want to....._talk...."_


	13. The Truth

**Beautiful people out there! Helllooooooooo! So here's the next chapter, I loved all the excellent reviews and I'm sorry some of you got actually _upset_ with me. And with the chapter. Some who thought I had killed Tali were.....uhm.....a bit scary, but as Nephyrisx pointed out, in Shakespear, Juliette does not die. Now does she?**

**Also, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was hard to write because it's hard to have a one way conversation and still have it be a two way in a sense.**

**But I hope you enjoy it, and the next chapter will be up sometime next week. REVIEW!!!!!**

***Teaser: I'm fiddling with the idea of perhaps.....JUST MAYBE....changing it from Hurt/Comfort....to Tragedy.....***

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Chapter 13

_**Tali's Point of View:**_

It was so _cold_. I felt trapped. Shadows danced behind my eyelids as I tried to pry them open. My body did not respond to me and I could feel panic grip my chest. Alex. Where was Alex? Where was _I? _The air bit at my skin and my heart faltered once more when I realized I was out of my suit. How was this possible? I could get sick! I could feel my hair free and loose over my shoulders. A floral smell made my nose twitch. Flowers? I breathed in once more: _Lillies. _My favorite.....What was going on! I focused on my breathing, trying to calm myself. A calm mind was a wise mind, and that's exactly what I needed at this moment. My thoughts backtracked as I tried to come to grips with what was happening to me.

We had been outside the Engine room. Alex and I. I remembered feeling my strength slipping rapidly form my limbs and the walls were shifting and morphing in my vision. Alex was on one knee, looking at me strangely.

**"Tali.......let's get _married,"_ he had finally sighed. I took a step backwards. I knew what marriage meant from reading up on Human Relationships and I remember feeling completely taken aback. Married? Me and him?**

**"Alex...h-how----" He shot to his feet, almost falling onto me as his hands gripped either side of my helmet roughly. He promised to take care of me and protect me from _everything_, promising a house and a family and _him_. It all sounded so perfect. But he was acting rediculous and I noted the slight slur to all his words.**

**"Shepard have.......have you been _drinking?"_ Of _course_, he had been, he admitted sheepishly to me. I remembered rolling my eyes at him. I told him all the things he was saying to me were just his insecurity and the alcohol speaking. He didn't like that. And then he was shaking me. Saying something...._something_ I couldn't quite hear. Then I was in his arms, and we were both crumpled on the ground. His face was etched with concern and I remembered hating myself for being the source of his anguish. He pulled off my helmet. I was so _hot_. On fire, but so......weak. I touched his face and kissed him before the last of my strength had slipped away. My eyes shut and my arm fell. I could still hear him though and I felt him stand shakily. He kicked the elevator doors when we had been in there for a while, cursing at its slow movement. We stumbled to the side a bit but he must have caught himself against the wall because we were much steadier after that. He choked a sob and I cringed internally. I focused all my energy to my lips, pushing sound through them. I wanted to let him know I was still with him. I was scared...**

**"_Alex....."_ I barely breathed. I felt his hands smoothing my hair and pushing it off my dripping face. He kissed my lips and I wanted to _badly_ to be able to kiss back.**

**"Shh....Shhhhhh, it's _alright_ Tali. It's gunna be okay. I'm.....I'm here! I got you..............I got you...." He was right, I knew he would take care of me. He always did. My guardian angel. He would protect me like he promised he would. I just _knew_ it. "We're almost there, okay? Just......._hold on!" _We rushed forward after that, bumping into someone in the process. We brushed by them and I felt the wind against my face as Alex started to run. The smell of medical supplies hit me when I heard the Medbay doors hiss open. **

**"Commander!" The doctor's voice was harsh and angry. There was fear and confusion laced through every word, and I remembered wanting to tell her to be nicer to Alex. He was only trying to help. A needle pricked my skin and I wanted to yelp, but I couldn't. At this point, it was almost like I was having one of those out of body experiences. I could hear what they were saying and feel them when they touched me, but I could not reply. It was a horribly _helpless_ feeling.**

**"You're an absolute _idiot,"_ Chakwas hissed once more, as their conversation continued. She thought the Commander had poisoned me? _Bosh'tet._ Alex would never do that to me! How could see even _think_ such a thing? Something started to beep frantically, and he doctor cursed. I had never heard her swear before and the words sounded wrong in her mouth. Alex was frantic now, and I felt his hand lift my own as he pressed it to his lips. His mouth was like ice against my skin.**

**"She's flatlined!" What? _Me?_ No I hadn't. My heartbeat was still there. It was very weak to be sure, but I could still feel it pulsing ever so lightly. Quarian heart rates were faster then Human's but our hearts were buried so deep in our chest, that it was often difficult to read monitors properly. Another needle in my arm. **

**"Don't you dare Tali!" Shepard was screaming, kissing my hand again and again. "Don't you dare leave me alone here! I'll do better I----" Leave him? I was still here! I wanted to punch Chakwas for letting him think I was dead. Letting him feel so distraught that he had completely lost that cool facade that he always had. He was delerious with worry.**

**"Commander there's no-----" The terror in her own voice rang in my ears. Wait....she also thought I was slipping away? Oh no....this wasn't good. 'Alex! Alex, I'm right here,' I wanted to scream. 'Right here my love!' My body was just a shell now.**

**He was sobbing, his tears leaking between my fingers. And then he was gone and my hand fell back down limply. The Doctor had pushed him away. She was shouting commands at EDI and at Alex. I couldn't hear him anymore over all the kayos coming from the doctor and my own head. After more fussing over me and misreadings, the commotion ended abruptly. The room was silent except for the frantic monitor.**

**"Commander I'm......I'm so sorry.....she's.....I can't get a heart beat. I'm afraid Miss Zorah has----" she didn't finish.**

**"It's _Tali_, damn it. Don't be so god damned formal! You know Tali! She's your friend too! And she's not gone!" Alex cried.**

**"Commander.......please sit down, this is very....upsetting to us all---"**

**"Upsetting? Nothing is wrong! So nothing is.....is......oh _god!_ Oh dear fucking----"**

**"Alex put that down. She's gone----" Something Metal hit the floor as Alex roared, a growl ripping from him as if he'd been shot in the side.**

**"W-what?" Alex choked. "No...you're wrong. She's fine!" His words were still sticking together in his state and I heard something crash as he must have stumbled. "She can't be....she....can't _be_ gone........I can't....No!" He boomed. Something else crashed and the doctor yelped. **

**"Commander! Please! I'm sorry but you can't----"**

**"Fuck!" Another crash. "Don't lie to me! She's fine! She's...." New crash: shattering glass. I wasn't gone! I was right here! My heart throbbed and I wanted so badly to cry and release the heavy sadness that weighed roughly on my heart. He was in so much _pain_. For nothing. I was fine. I could hear him and _feel_ him. How could I reach him? He seemed so far away. "She was fine just a few minutes ago, and I asked her to marry me, and I was going to be with her, have a kid, or not have one, or _have_ one or......something! I can't...._she_ can't be----" There was a slapping sound, and Alex stopped.**

**"Pull yourself together Alex...." Chakwas slapped him? "Don't think you're the only one who will miss Tali. She was the most caring person I'd ever met. And you tearing apart my station isn't going to bring her back. Now please, sit down....." There was sorrow in her own tone and I thought I could picture her crying. There was a large pause, then I heard the doors hiss open and heavy footsteps walk out. Alex's footsteps. Another silence. The doctors shoes clicked on the tiles after a moment and I felt a thin sheet being lain over me. They thought it was over. They thought it was _all_ over....**

So where was I now? How did this all happen? Nothing was making sense to me right now, and I knew I was missing something crucial. How could I have gotten this sick? I was so careful! And even if it was from being out of my suit, I'd never heard of a Quarian being sent into a coma from a germ. Plus, Quarians didn't even _get_ sick ironically, they just had allergic reactions to the world around them. None of this was adding up. I was overlooking something. Something that was buried in my head, but too far away to reach.

"Oh Miss Zorah," sang an unwanted voice. "Which one of these are you in?" My ears pricked up to the sound, and I strained to hear who it was. Someone was out there! Someone knew I was still alive. Oh thank Keelah. Thank the Gods! Soon this would be over and I could be with Alex once more. I could just see myself running to him in my head..... '_Shepard! It's me! I'm fine! Cry no more my love!' _And he would hold me and kiss me while I cried for almost losing him. My heart rate quickened in anticipation. The sounds of heels clicking across the floor slowly echoed next in my confined space. I tried to open my eyes once more, but they were still locked shut. It was only a matter of time though since I could feel the nerves in my hand make my finger twitch. Something hissed and I felt fresh and cool air wash over me. I breathed it in greedily. There was light behind my eyelids. Faint and muffled, but there. I was in.....a _box_ before?

My savior sighed sadly and ran there hand over my cheek. I could feel their nails scrape my skin lightly. "I must admit," continued the familiar voice, her hand dropping away, "that you are indeed far more beautiful then I'd imagined. I saw Alex walk by - or rather, _run_ by - with you in his arms when they brought you to the Medbay. Much prettier then I thought possible: now I know why Alex held such interest in you. He has a weakness for beautiful women...." All hope drained from me, if _Miranda_ knew I was alive, and was here talking to me.....there was no way she was here to help. I could have sobbed if my body would have responded. I felt my arm lift and a needle break through my skin. She was injecting me with something. "There you are! Just another light dose of the muscle depressant. Sorry if that stung a bit, but I can't have you waking up before your own funeral now can I! That would be so _rude_ of you, I know the ceremony is going to be quite stunning. Alex has ordered Lillies to be placed all around the ship; they're your favorite so I've heard. Yes....and he always gives such excellent speeches too. It will be a _lovely_ time." She began to pace as she let out another sigh. I could feel whatever new control I was gaining over my body slip away once more as I was numbed. '_I swear to Keelah, if I get out of this, I'm going to wring her neck...' _I thought.

"And of course," she went on, a chair dragging as she moved it to sit next to me, "it will be even more pleasing for me, because I get to watch _Alex_ space the.....Ha......."woman he loved" when she's still alive! Oh but don't worry my love, he wont know you're alive. I wouldn't _dream_ of putting him through such hardships. He's already in quite a state now," she snicked darkly. "You know what alcohol does to him. Dulls him. But don't worry, I just came from his room and I...._ha_....straightened him up." I cringed. Images, new images, were in my head now. His arms around Miranda as they kissed. He stumbled, she pushed him to the bed. She was crawling up his body, sliding her hands over him. There were still fresh tears on his face....no! He wouldn't have.....

'_No!'_ I screamed in my head. '_Get away from him! He's mine you bitch!' _

"Absolutly _breathtaking_ performance, by the way my dear. Oh and _poor_ Alex! He was mess when the Doctor declared you dead, practically ripped this whole ship in two! He was screaming and throwing things. He really _must_ learn to control his temper. Don't worry, I promise to help him with that. Perhaps it's just that he needs somewhere else to apply his....._passion_. Don't you agree?" She laughed suddenly, the sound like knives in my ears. "Oh! Ha, ha! And then the Doctor strides across the room and slaps him square across the face! An absolutely _brilliant_ addition to the show, I must say. I laughed, I cried.....I only wish I'd had it recorded so I could watch it again and again! Perhaps EDI has the footage?" she mused. "I know the Illusive man still has us bugged, so I'm sure I could ask _him_ for the tapes. Indeed, I will thank him for helping me cast you as our fair Juliette, for without him none of this would have been possible! I do feel badly for adjusting the script to fit my own interests but....I always believed that it was _Rosalie_ that Romeo should have chosen. And now that Juliette's time has passed, _she'll_ be the star of the show." Her hands clutched at my wrist has her voice filled with fake concern. "Oh but now _please_ don't tell Alex I'm still working the him! He would be _so_ angry with me! And that wouldn't do at all, now would it?"

The Illusive man. Of _course_. That's what that strange reading in the system had been! I'd noticed it even after we had purged the system, EDI's whole system had shifted slightly, but I had just assumed it was due to the damage from the Omega 4 relay. How could I have been so stupid! "Anyways, I should probably go and get ready. Your funeral is in a few hours and I need to get ready. Alex has asked me to make a speech as well, and I should probably practice my stage cry. Oh dear....I do _love _the theater." I felt her hand smooth back my hair once more as she stood. "Sleep well Juliette," she cooed, whispering as one might to a dozing child. "This time I'm afraid, that parting yields nothing _but_ pleasure."


	14. Sweet Victory

**Sorry that this chapter is so short! I hope you all weren't like "YES! NEW CHAPTER!!! aw.....not a climax one..." This is one of those one's that just kind of has to be done, to move everything forward. (^_^) Sorry!**

**Anyways. Read and review. Or don't. I guess. Next chapter up next week. Maybe sooner if I get the time off. **

**-Emma**

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Chapter 14

**Miranda's Point of View:**

"Oh but now _please_ don't tell Alex I'm still working the him!" I jokingly begged, tugging at her limp arm. "He would be _so_ angry with me! And that wouldn't do at all, now would it?" I snickered again, my face darkening in my triumph. This was a proud day for me. I knew she could hear me, and I knew she couldn't do anything to stop me. Victory was so damn sweet. I rose to my feet, moving the chair back where it had been and placed my hand on the cover of the casket. "Anyways, I should probably go and get ready. Your funeral is in a few hours and I need to get ready. Alex has asked me to make a speech as well, and I should probably practice my stage cry. Oh dear....I do _love _the theater." I reached down to smooth back her hair. She looked like Snow White waiting for her prince. A shame she would never wake from this story. "Sleep well Juliette," I cooed, whispering as one might to a dozing child. "This time I'm afraid, that parting yields nothing _but_ pleasure." I pressed the seal on the coffin, watching as it hissed shut and re-locked itself. I stood over her another moment, letting the moment sink in. This was too be a good day indeed.

I turned harshly on my heels, throwing back one final glance at my Juliette. "Tah-tah, Tali." My heels were sharp against the tiled floors as I left the cold room behind me. Things were going perfectly. Surprisingly the only thing left untended was my speech. Perhaps I would read my speech to the Illusive Man and see what he thought. It had to be touching, and "sincere", to be sure. But in order to make Alex take notice of it, it couldn't be too sad. I was planning on making my move on him tonight. If he was overly depressed about this silly matter, then it would make things harder for me. I sighed. Of course, he would be drunk, which would soften him up a bit to be sure.

I drew the notecards out from my uniform to practice as I walked. "Tali'Zorah....was the most corageous soldier I ever knew---"

"Really? I did not expect to hear such a thing from you," interupted a voice. I stopped and spun on my heels to face my opponent. The Drell leaned against a wall, staring at me cooly. There was something vicious in his gaze though, and I could feel my skin start to crawl. I had always hated _lizards_.

"Thane. What are you doing down here?" I asked, playing at an innocence that was a tad bit overdone. He didn't reply, only stared at me. "Is there a problem?" Another silence. The empty space made me uncomfortable.

"Perhaps you should tell me?" he finally retorted. I raised a brow, crossing my arms uncomfortably. "I was just.........listening." My eyes darkened for a moment, before falling back under my col control.

"To my speech?" I pressed, trying to seem casual. He blinked, and pushed himself off the wall, gliding towards me.

He spoke as he passed me, and the words sent shivers down my spine. "Which one?" And then he was gone. I swallowed hard, not out of fear, but out of anxiety. I didn't like that _re_p_tile_ sneaking around. If I had learned anything in my life, it was that when you knew how to snoop around, you almost _always_ found something. And Thane knew how to snoop around. The thought disturbed me. I had to be careful not to give Thane any reasons to suspect me of things. Because I knew he was watching, even if I couldn't see him. I was glad his disease would kill him soon. His presence only complicated things for me. If he gave me enough trouble, I would dispose of him myself. Fool.

"EDI?" The blue AI appeared at my beckoning.

"Yes Miss Lawson?"

"Open a link in the elevator with the Illusive man. Override command 22I9D7, Information Lock 35PNI on secured channel TK94M," I commanded, using my usual codes as I pushed my thoughts aside. It was time to get down to business. With the Illusive Man especially, you could show no speck of concern. Even if things were going completely wrong, it was always wise to convince him otherwise. If you gave him reason to doubt you, then he only got in the way of whatever plans you had made. A _neusence_.

"Miranda," he greeted as I slipped into the elevator, the doors sliding closed behind me. I hit the elevator lock button, stalling it in the shaft. "I'm sorry to say that I don't believe I'll be making it to the funeral, though I'm sure your performance will be quite breathtaking."

"It always is," I replied.

"Of course. Now, how are things progressing?"

"Tali is still out, I re-administered the muscle depressant just now to make sure she wouldn't be waking up in the middle of the service. And of course, I've already started in on my plan with the Commander. He needs a shoulder to lean on right now, don't you agree?" We both smirked at this, and the Illusive Man took a deep drag of his ciggarette.

"Any problems?"

"None so far, though Thane seems to be suspicious of me. I explained my plan to Tali and after I had left he was out in the hallway...." The Illusive Man sat up straight, expression hardening.

"Did he hear what you had said?" he demanded, stamping out his cigarrette. I shook my head, watching him as he took a sip of his brandy.

"I don't believe so. And even if he did, I don't see him as being much of a threat. His disease should be killing him soon, so that will eliminate him from the equation."

"It might be smart to take care of the problem now," he scolded. I rolled my eyes.

"This is _my_ mission. Don't get mixed up in things that aren't yours to deal with," I hissed. He glared at me. "But the offer is much _appreciated_." I let the last comment slide in to smooth over the tension. The Illusive Man's rumpled feathers were relaxed by that.

"So then, when is the funeral?" He leaned back once more in his chair, lighting a new cigarrete as he spoke. I leaned back myself, letting the cold of the elevator wall bite through my skin tight suit.

"In about two hours. I'm on my way to get dressed now. Nothing too fancy. But something that will at least get Alex's attention. Black has always looked the best on me." I smiled. "I assume you'll be watching the funeral through your own sources? It really is quite rude of you not to RSVP however." He scoffed, taking another drink of his brandy. The ice clicked in the glass as he finished it off. I sighed, letting my eyes slide shut. "I almost want to change my plan," I pouted.

"Why?"

"This is almost too easy for me. I thought that Miss Zorah would have at least put up a decent fight, but I was wrong. What a bore...."

"Miss Lawson....you truely are _terrible_." My eyes flicked open and I flashed a menacing smile at the image before me.

"I _know_......"


	15. Blackmail

Chapter 15

**Miranda's point of view:**

I couldn't risk it. I was too close to victory. I wouldn't risk Thane knowing what I was up to. It was too clear now that he knew _exactly _what was going on. Alex had helped the Drell too many times for him not to repay the favor. I wouldn't allow him to get in my way. Time to secure my win.

**Thane's point of view:**

Anger. Frustration. Sense of loyalty mixed with family protection. Which to chose? Calm breath in, furious breath out. Kolyat. How dare she. By the Gods I would kill her. Before I left this world, I would kill her. But what of Tali? I couldn't say anything, for fear of endangering Kolyat. Miranda was a formidable opponent.

I finally released the tension in my shoulders, hissing out the breath I had been holding. My eyes flicked to hers, harsh and defiant. "Very well. I will not say anything."

"Glad to hear you see things my way. Like I said, as long as you keep your mouth shut, your son will be released," she chuckled venomously. I kept the calm facade firmly in place, crossing my hands behind my back to solidify my stance.

"Just understand Miss Lawson, when Kolyat is clear of this trouble you've put him in.......I _will_ come for you." She smiled, letting her arm rest casually on her hip and closing one eye at me.

"Looking forward to it Mr Krios. I haven't had a good challenge in _ages_....."

She _would_ pay. '_I'm sorry Shepard.....I cannot help you on this one. May the Gods forgive me for what I'm about to do."_


	16. Thank you

Chapter 15

**Shepard's Point of View:**

Strong.

Strong, and _determined_.

I stared into the reflecting glass and into the face of a threatening man who glared back at me. Scars plagued his face and his mind; twisting his flesh menacingly. He was still a handsome man, but not like he used to be. Before it was a _charming_ look. One that could make a girl melt in his arms as he whispered what she wanted to hear into her ear. Now, it had shifted to be more of a commanding ruggedness. Demanding respect with every crease of disturbance in his expression. Eyes shone, muddied with emotion but giving off a cold enough aura that one couldn't look into them long enough to notice the pain. _His _pain. This was the face of Commander Alexander Shepard; savior of the Council and Citidal.

'_Yeah....hero of the whole fucking universe.'_ My thoughts felt bitter in my head. And I knew they were. Lately I'd come to believe that this damned universe didn't deserve to be saved. At least not by me. It had taken _everything_ I'd ever wanted or......_loved_, from me. So why the hell did I even bother? The answer was already planted firmly in my head from years of training and battles. Every person I'd ever served under had always pushed us forward with the same idea pulsing through our veins. The reason we fought on. Sometimes even the bane of our existance. This thought was the same one I used for my _own_ prep talks.

Because I was "_strong_".

I placed my hand over my mirror face, covering it so I didn't have to look at it. I was _nothing_ like that. People mistook my severeness for strength. But it was all a lie. I was nothing but a _coward_; weak and false. I couldn't even protect my own squad on Azuke. Couldn't even protect Kaiden, the closest friend I had had since before I could remember. I'd sent him to die. A suicide run that _I _should have gone on. I could have armed that nuke just as well as he could. I would've had a better chance to survive. I was a lie, a fucking _joke_. Not fit to be Commander of the Normandy SR2. They should have left my body spaced.....

'_Alex...you know that's not true!'_ Tali's voice was in my head. I closed my eyes, trying to draw her essence out. It was like withdrawl; being without her love. The last two days I had barely been able to get out of bed, pulled down by my own emptyness. Her voice, her smile, her _eyes: _every part of her _burned_ into my mind. I could just picture her responses to my thoughts. She would smile at me, walking slowly to my side. Cautiously: always so _cautious_ around me. Like she knew I would break at any second. But she was just as fragile. She would touch my face, and run her hands over my scars. A look of concern would flash in and out of existance in her eyes. '_You are far too hard on yourself my love.' _Another smile._ 'I know, as well as this whole crew knows, that when the time comes---you will protect us. You always have. We are a family. And family's, however strange this one has turned out to be, take care of their own. Yes?'_

No.

She would be wrong. I couldn't even protect _her_, even when I'd promised only _moments_ before she had collapsed to do just that. Forever. I was a liar. And now she was.......

I couldn't even think the words.

My eyes opened slowly, refocusing on the world around me. A slight undertone of whiskey was in my system. Just enough to get me through the ceremony, but not enough to be noticable to the untrained eye. My speech weighed heavy in the pocket above my heart, folded neatly against my breast. Where she _should_ be lying. If I had just _one_ more night.....just one more chance to delve into her touches......close my eyes as her fingers trailed my lips. Tell her all the things I was too...._proud_ to admit. How much I needed her. How long I'd been waiting for everything that she meant to me. Wishing is useless though, because there would be no more nights. No more chances. No more love....

"God damn it," I hissed through my teeth, fighting back tears as my fist slammed against the sink. "Tali....this wasn't how this was supposed to be. You shouldn't have...._I_ shouldn't have.....damn it......." There was a light rap at the door, pulling my attention away from the mirror me. Away from my thoughts.

The bathroom door slid open as I left, straightening my Dress Uniform. I didn't own anything better then the Cerberus Formal wear, and I barely even fit into _that_. I didn't see much need for such attire. When would a suit come in handy in the heat of battle? I tugged at the skin tight uniform, smoothing it over. My muscles pushed against the unused fabric. Someone must have come up to get me for the ceremony. It was time already? Last time I checked the clock I had had at least 5 hours to sort through my head. How long had I been staring into my own dulled eyes?

Another knock, this time louder. "Who is it?" I asked, cursing as a button popped out of it's lock on the edge of my sleeve. I looked down, trying to fix it quickly. The tremble in my hands made it impossible and I could feel my anger rising through me. "Damn it!" I spat, getting ready to just rip the button off and solve the problem. Perfectly manicured hands curled into my focused gaze, moving my hands away gently. I looked up quickly: I hadn't even heard the door open. Miranda smiled up at me before turning her attention back to the troublesome plastic. It bowed to her expertise and she smirked at a job well done.

"You could have knocked," I mumbled, annoyed by the intrusion. She rolled her eyes.

"I did. Twice in fact." Oh yeah....

"Well.......you could have _waited_ for me to let you in," I tried again. A slight venom teased at my words, and she blinked heatedly at me for a moment before returning once more to her work.

Finally she smirked slightly. "What, and leave you alone to ruin the only decent outfit you own? I wouldn't be _foolish_ enough to." Her humor was obvious in her words and it stung. I didn't want to hear jokes right now. I just wanted her to leave, so I could drink myself numb. My words failed so I stayed quiet for a while.

The silence sucked too. "I've seen you walk in and out of.......where Tali is. What have you been doing?"

This time she was quiet, seeming to mull over her words. "Just....talking. Checking up on her almost. Sometimes I feel like she's only sleeping, and might wake up at any moment..."

"That's rediculious. She's de-------........that's just not possible...." I snapped. She flinched. _Damn it_. "I didn't know you and her were that close...."

"We were and weren't in so many ways. She looked after _you_, which automatically meant that I felt the need to monitor her. After a while, we seemed to come to a.....certain _understanding_ for one another." Her breath hitched. "Just when I.....just when I thought we were going to be friends....._this_ all happened. It's been.....so _hard_ for me to accept. I almost saw her as my ward. Someone that I should have looked out for. If only I had----"

"There was nothing anyone could have done," I barked once more. Who was I trying to convince? Her? Or....._myself_? Silence fell and she nodded.

"There we are," she sighed contently, smoothing over the sleeve. She let her fingers linger on my wrist. I pulled away sharply, pained by the physical touch which I had been starved for.

"Thanks," I replied numbly, brushing past her and heading out the door. She followed, trailing quietly behind me as we entered the elevator. There was silence at first. Guilt racked my mind. I knew I shouldn't have been acting so coldly to Miranda. She had done nothing but helped me, and she was my friend. The closest one I had now that Tali was......

She was a loyal crewmate. She didn't deserve my shit.

"_Thank you...._" I said again, this time with more sincerity. She smiled warmly and reached up to squeeze my arm reassuringly. My muscles tensed but this time I didn't flinch. She let her hand fall.

"I know how hard today will be for you Commander----"

"_Alex,"_ I interjected hoarsely. I was surprised by the pain that had slipped into my words. "_Commander_" was just too distant for me right now. I needed to hear my name, for fear that maybe I'd forgotten what it was. I looked at her and tried to keep the pleading out of my eyes. A strange smile now enveloped her painted lips. Its familiarity tugged at a memory buried somewhere deep....

**"Oh _Keelah_ Alex...." Her arms tightened around my neck as I pushed into her, my speed growing. I readjusted her in my arms, changing the spot on the wall where I had her pinned as I dug my hips into hers. My own heavy breathing matched hers as sweat rolled down my face. I leaned in, sucking one of her hardened nipples into my mouth. She moaned, throwing her head back as this sent her over the edge. I had more control then her, and continued on as her body spasmed around my hard erection.**

**I broke away from her breast to nibble on a sensitive spot on her neck. "That's it baby.........I got you...." I loved when she fell from her orgasims. I would cradle her in my arms, gazing intently at her face as she often screamed my name. My name always sounded so damn _good_ coming from her, no matter what the emotion behind it. **

**Her eyes flicked open and she smiled, a strange new and lustful smile enveloping her pale lips. "Don't think you're done with me quite yet _Commander," _she teased, giggling. She stopped abruptly, frowning. I did the same, using all my self control not to continue my mission to satisfaction.**

**"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" She shook her head, her frown deepening. "Well then what is it?"**

**She just sighed dramatically, before letting that new smile lift the corner of her mouth slowly. "I guess I am just....disappointed...."**

**My brows shot up in surprise. I'd never heard the word _disappointed_ in the middle of my love making. "_Disappointed?_ By what!"**

**"That one was not as thrilling as the other ones," she sighed again. Her teasing tone was obvious now as she trailed her nails down my exposed chest. "If I'm not satisfied, perhaps I will have to find something new to occupy my time. Or _someone_ new...." She knew how to play me. Posessiveness took control of my system and I spun quickly, tossing her onto the bed. She squealed and moaned sadly at the same time as I left her body. I pinned her arms above her head, attacking her neck and growling.**

**"I'll show _you_ disappointing...." I barked. She giggled again.**

**"Do your _worst, __Alex__."_**

"_Alex _then_..." _The mention of my name brought me back from within my thoughts. I shook my head to clear it as I looked back at Miranda. My name had dripped like honey from her lips and I was surprised by the sultry ring it had to it. I blinked repeatedly, looking her over and noticing for the first time what she was wearing. A formal black dress hugged her form, splitting open to the side on her thigh and ending with the edge of the material above her knees. She shifted her weight and I noticed the heels that she wore. I always admired a woman's taste in shoes. It showed a certain...class. As she let her head fall to the side, I glanced at her hair. The usual free and flowing brown locks was twisted elegantly up, framing her porscalin colored face. I swallowed hard, my gaze watching her legs as she shifted once more. She followed my gaze, laughing quietly. I caught drift of the sound and turned away quickly, trying to clear away the lump that had grown in my throat. The alcohol, however small the amount, was making it hard to focus. Or was it the company?

"Something wrong Comm---_Alex?_" she nearly whispered.

"You look......" I peeked to the side: she was smiling wickedly, leaning in slightly as if to catch at my quiet words.

"_Yes?_" she pressed, locking eyes with me. The building tension was obvious in the confined space and I swallowed again, sure that she could hear it. I jumped when the elevator opened, dinging as we arrived. I shot a look back at Miranda as I exited quickly, confused by our encounter. She looked annoyed.

Had Miranda just......come on to me? At a time like _this_? I wanted nothing to do with her, even now that Tali was--------no! I was being stupid. Miranda was my friend. She wasn't trying to put me in a situation like that. Maybe I shouldn't have had anything to drink before I came to the ceremony. To late to worry about that now.

"Commander Shepard." I looked up, straightening as I got closer to the ceremony. Kelly was the one who had spoken, her eyes already red from crying. I stood stiffly in front of her as she searched my face. The hand that was reaching for me fell to her side. "Everyones in there. Just w-waiting on your arrival." A pause as she sniffed. "Are you ready?" she finally asked. I waited a long moment to answer that. _Was I ready for this?_

_"No,"_ I answered honestly. "But it's not about me.......it's about _her_....." I started to walk past her but this time she stopped me, grabbing my arm and holding me in place. She walked slowly around me, so that we were facing one another. Then slowly, very slowly.....she hugged me. I felt her sob make her body shudder as it escaped her lips. I was frozen in place, not sure of how to act. This kind of contact was.....uncomfortable for me. Too close. To full of warmth. "I'm _sorry_," she cried into my shoulder, burying her face deeper into me.

Sorry. Such a simple phrase. But it summed up everything that I felt. _Sorry._

I pulled her in suddenly, forgetting my control as I squeezed her. I had needed this. "_Thank_ you....."


	17. Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

**Hey everyone!!! (^_^) Thanks for not hunting me down and Killing me :) I know that this chapter update has long been desired and I'm sorry it's taken me so long. Blame me if you must, but otherwise, just be happy that there are many chapters to come after this! :) I love you all so please REVIEW!!!**

xoxo Emma

* * *

**Chapter 17**

_Miranda's Point of view:_

I was still scowling as I took my seat in the front row of chairs. A mixture of pleasure and annoyance swirled around on my tongue. He had _definatly_ noticed what I was wearing, but he stubbornly took the gentleman way out. I didn't _want_ a gentleman; I wanted a fighter. Eyeballed then _ditched_ by Shepard in the elevators so he could basically run into Yeoman Chambers arms. I didn't even dislike Kelly all that much, I had even found her advice to be quite endearing at times. It was more to the fact that the Commander was more resistant than I had expected. As if he _knew_ I was already trying to push forward into his head.

I wasn't worried though, not yet anyways. I had pleanty of time, especially with Tali about to be spaced once all the speeches were made. There would be three speeches made before the coffin was released. Thane's, Shepard's, and then _mine_: bringing the whole performance to a close. After I spoke, the Commander would release the coffin out of the airlock, and she would drift away forever.

My lips twitched as I fought a smile. The thought of _Alex_ being the one to actually kill Tali, was absolutly _delicious._

My eyes glossed over the room, taking in every inch of it. Everyone seemed to be crying or comforting someone who was. Typical I suppose: it was a funeral. Shepard turned to walk towards his seat, when Kelly grabbed his arm and turned him.

'_Little rat. Perhaps she would be next if she didn't find enough sense to back off....'_ I thought venomously. They moved to the edge of the doorway as she spoke quickly to him. Her lips moved like lightning and her eyes shifted from place to place in her discomfort. She glanced at me quickly, and Shepard's brows pulled together as he listened intently to what she said. I continued to examine his face as his expressions shifted to anger. Then confusion. He hissed some question at Kelly, who flinched and shook her head in response. She handed him a letter from her pocket and he pulled it apart quickly, scanning the words quickly. His face darkened once more, and now his glance turned to me. My eyes widened. What was going on? He nodded to Kelly, before making bone crushing eye contact with me. He motioned me over.

I rose slowly, confused and ready to defend myself. They broke away soon after that, and my eyes followed Kelly as she practically fell into her seat. A dangerous thought entered my mind as I walked slowly over to where Shepard waited for me. Where was _Thane? _He still hadn't showed up, and the Commander was acting strange. I couldn't tell if he was behaving as such because of our moment in the elevator or because of whatever was in the letter. Had _Thane_ wrote the letter? He wouldn't be so stupid. Would he?

_'This better not be one of your tricks Thane.....or you can kiss your pre-pubesent son goodbye...'_

_"_Commander? Are you alright?" I asked. He took my arm and pulled me into the hallway. I liked the roughness of it. "Commander!" He practically threw the letter at me in his fury. I un-crumpled it, annoyed that he'd tossed it at me.

"Read it," he demanded. I hesitated, unsure of my next move. If the Commander knew of what I'd done to Tali, I doubted he would have just pulled me into another room. He wasn't _that_ kind.

"_Shepard. My apologies for this happening at the last minute and in your time of need. I cannot participate in this ceremony. I have been taught never to lie and yet I must go against my own teachings to save a life. Two will be saved today, and though you may not understand right now, I hope that one day you will forgive my actions. May the God's forgive me for what I'm about to do. I will make things right for you one day. Until then, I must go. I'm sorry my friend_," I read, my confusion obvious. I didn't understand entirely. Had he left to save his son? Even if he did, Tali would be spaced by the time he had returned to warn Shepard of me. Even if Kolyat _was_ the one he was going to save today.....who was the second person? Something was off. And I didn't like feeling out of the loop.

"Why the hell would he just leave?" The Commander demanded as he paced in front of me. "Who is it he's saving and why does he think he has to lie? _Lie about what!_ That's what I don't understand. He should...._be _here..." Time to get to work. I placed the paper on a nearby table and slowly approached him. I let my hand touch his face and turn it to me.

"Yes," I spoke softly, staring into him, "he _should_ be here, but now is not the time to be angry. Everyone is waiting for us in there. Waiting for their _Commander_ to console them, even if he himself is not ready to console. This is your duty, Shepard. The reason you are who you are. So ignore Thane's letter, put it out of your mind, and go in there. Alex, and I _promise_ you.....I'll take care of Thane, alright? Don't worry about him, I'll figure out what is going on." He stared for a heated second before nodding.

"You're right." I smiled at him. "Go on in. I just need....a moment to compose myself."

"Of course Commander, I'll see you in there." Mission accomplished. Clearly our elevator experience had opened him a bit to me. I was honestly worried for a moment when he'd pulled me aside. Sure that Thane had ruined everything. He would too. I would remember to speak with the Illusive Man about getting rid of him. It was too risky to wait until he died naturally.

'_Ugh....assassin's are so much trouble...." _

The room quieted, as I walked back in. Kelly eyed me warily as I took me seat and I smiled reasuringly at her.

"Is he alright?" she whispered to me. I nodded in response, and the last of the room's noise died away as Shepard finally returned. Every set of eyes was on him. His steps were almost sluggish as he faced the crowd to speak. His mouth opened at last but hung open for a moment, no sound coming out. His face was grave as he fought internally for control. His posture readjusted itself and he locked his arms behind his back to steady himself.

"Thane's not here......because......well.......I'm not entirely sure why. But he said he had good reason, and that he was sorry. So I guess....._I'm_ going to start us off today, though I'm not prepared to do so." Dead quiet blanketed the room. "Everyone seems to be sorry for something today. Sorry for me, mostly. I can't say I like that.....though I know I should appreciate it. As a whole, this crew has been through more things then imaginable. I once heard us referred to........as a _family_. A unit that rose above the calls of duty. Rose to be an entity that carries it's companions far closer to their hearts then _any_ fleet in the universe...." I saw Kelly nod when he spoke about family and I rolled my eyes. _So dramatic._

My attention returned to Shepard as he cleared his throat. "A woman I once knew told me something that never made sense until just this moment. She was an excellent soldier, and friend. Kind and strong, with a heat and passion that burned in her eyes. She was shy up front, but when alone with her......she had a wit that would always make me smile. She loved her people, but never restricted her love to just them. One day, she decided to share that love with _me_. It was the best moment.....of my life and it _hurts_ to..........to believe that's in the past now." His words shook as he spoke, and he swallowed hard before continuing. "She ended up saving me from myself, without me even knowing I had needed the help. For this, I'll always be greatfull. When we were on a particularly difficult mission, she decided to write me this note," he continued, pulling a paper from inside his outfit. He unfolded the creases gently, as if afraid his large hands would rip it. "She was scared something would happen to her during the trip, and she wanted to get her thoughts on paper." The whole room leaned forward as Alex's voice got quieter. Even I was interested in what he had to say.

"You can shed tears that they are gone, or you can smile because they have lived. You can close your eyes and pray they'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all they've left. Your heart can be empty because you cannot see them......or you can be full of the _love....._you once shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live _yesterday_, or you can be happy for tomorrow _because_ of yesterday. You can remember only that they are gone, or you can cherish their memory and let it live on. Oh, yes. You can do all those things. You can cry and close your mind.....be _empty_ and turn your back.....or.......you can do what they'd _want_. Smile. Open your eyes. _Love........._and go on." He stopped, tears clinging to his eyes as he looked up at us. "That was all she wrote on the note, and I didn't see it until after we were all safely aboard the Normandy once more. Nothing ended up happening, but the idea of death rattled me. As soldiers, we learn to understand that every man or woman dies. This is true. Everyone may die, but not every person will _live. _Tali'Zorah vas Normandy _lived_. That much is obvious in everything I do and everywhere I look on this ship. In your faces. In my own eyes."

Another staggered breath.

"She lived with a vibrancy and a love that touched every person on this crew. I find myself lying awake at night, _cold_, because she's not next to me. That love for her......which pulsed through me with every weakening beat......_burns_ now. But love is stronger than death, even though it can't stop death from happening. But no matter how hard death tries, it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end........_life_ is stronger than death. That memory I have, and you have, and _we_ have......of Tali.........will forever be----" His voice caught in his chest harshly as the air rushed out of him. He looked to his feet, shaking his head rapidly in his anguish. "I'm sorry...." he mumbled, barely audible. "I'm sorry, I _can't....._" His hand covered his mouth, as he turned and walked briskly out of the room. The room erupted into furious whispers, and Kelly rushed to her feet to follow the Commander. I scoffed quietly to myself. Alex was being such a _baby_. So then if he was done with his speech, it was my turn.

"Everyone, please," I shouted, standing where the Commander had previously been. They quieted down and looked to me immediatly. "True passion lies in the Commander's words, and I would be selfish in thinking I could ever out-speak him. So I stand here begging you to take his words to heart as we bring this moment to a close." I walked over to the terminal and began to enter the launch commands. "Tali'Zorah was a friend to me, a lover to Shepard, and a kind soul to all. Space reclaims everything in the end, just as it reclaims us in death. A very old human play once ended in sad times. A favorite quote of mine from this, is all I can give to Tali now........it says; When she shall die, take her and cut her out in little stars and she will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. We work and play and _live_ in this endless night. The stars are the only things we have to guide us through the dark." I placed my hand the terminal, and looked dramatically over to the space pod with the coffin inside. "Tali'Zorah, you will forever be one of those stars for me, and when I look to the sky, I know you will be watching over me...my dear _friend._ And so I thank you........and I........I say....._goodbye. _EDI?" The blue orb appeared immediatly to my side and I turned with fake tears clinging to my lashes.

"Yes Miss Lawson?"

"Release the airlock......it's time....."


	18. The Lily

**Authors note:::**

**So I just want to say some things to all you fanlike people out there. First of all, if you have stuck around and have bared with me as I had creative blocks and such, then I am SO honored. You people are some of my favorite people out there. You always give me incredible feedback and aren't afraid to tell me if something I write makes you so infuriated that you want to hunt me down and destroy my computer. (By the way, don't...) My goal for this story was to have fun, but also to inspire enough emotion in readers that they can feel it oozing out of them with an intesity that nearly drives them insane. That is how I know, that my writing is good.**

**To all you people who have stuck with me? Here it is! Another chapter. I do have many more planned and then after that I am hoping to continue my fanfiction of Jack and Shepard. :)**

**I just wanted to thank you all so much for your patience and I understand how I left it off at a bit (well...a lot of a bit) of a cliff hanger. You are all amazing.**

**PLEASE review, so I understand what you guys like and dont like, (though ultimately it is MY story and if you dont like it...oh well). And PLEEEAAASSSSEEEEE! Let me know if you guys have any ideas for plot twists that you might wanna see incorporated into the story. It isn't a garuntee that I'll use it but you never know. Perhaps YOUR genius will inspire MY lack of genius... (^_^)**

**xoxo Emma Louise**

**REVIEEWWWW**

*****Please note that all the flashes are her DREAMS changing around! I am aware her mother died during child birth!*

**Chapter 18**

_Tali's Point of View:_

**~FLASH~**

_The air around me was shimmering in bright colors that twinkled off my pale skin. Two suns shone in the violet sky above us as tiny creatures buzzed around lazily on the wind. Something gentle was in the air, and it pulled at my hair and tried to whisper in my ear. Music. Quiet enough that it almost seemed to be a gentle hum on the horizon, but loud enough that I felt myself swaying to it absentmindedly. I felt safe here, in this place I didn't know. _

_She sat across from me, letting her graceful features dip into the center of an unfamiliar flower as she smiled to herself. I watched as her eyes slid shut while breathing in the loveliness of the delicate petals. Her light chuckle chimed like bells, and the amusement it bore surrounded us like a cloud of joy. Her hair was braided in a single graceful twirl that fell over her shoulder like a waterfall spilling over a hill, and her ears just barely broke from it. Finally, her eyes opened once more and moved to meet mine._

_"Tali. I have missed you my Silver Eyes..." Something tugged at my chest, begging me to reach forward, but I could not. My arms lay stiff as I struggled for something to say to this beautiful creature before me. _

_"Mother...?" I almost sobbed. I didn't understand what was happening. I felt more innocent and fragile now as I stared at her smiling, angelic features. "What is that?" I asked at last, staring at the plant that she held so carefully within her palms. _

_Her smile grew. "A Lilly. A Human flower, though from whence it came, does not matter in the slightest. Some, I suppose, might disagree with that. But you and I? We know the truth. There is beauty in things no matter where it comes from or decides to take root in."_

_"What makes a **Human** flower so special? I see only a plant, and nothing more..."_

_There was a pause before she answered. "Tali my love...will you do me a favor?" Her voice was gentle and smooth, and it sang to my youthful close-mindedness in a way that all mothers words do. I nodded silently, aware that I didn't see it the way she wished me too, and disappointed that I couldn't. "Close your eyes for me." I did so. "Now breath in...deeply my child." As i did so, my mind was filled with a sweet smell that tickled at my nose._

_"It smells...perfect..." I sighed dreamily. I heard her soft chuckle and she lay her hand gently over mine. A new warmth flooded through me as she did so. I felt something inside of me begin to fill, as the ache that had always been in my chest began to close._

_"Again." I did so and the scent shifted slightly to a tangy flavor I could almost taste._

_"I like this one as well," I giggled._

_"Now, keep your eyes closed and breath in once more," she commanded, brushing the back of her hand over my cheek. The scent changed this time: still sweet and fragile, but with a new..._**warmth**_ that surprised me. "Open your eyes my love." My eyes flicked open and looked down into my mothers hands. That same single flower lay in them and I glanced around us in hopes of finding the other flowers of which I had smelt. _

_"Only one?" I asked. She nodded, twirling the delicate flower between her fingers as she sat silent in thought. My mother was always a wise woman. Lost in thought as she pondered the worlds and the universe._

_"This flower is a Lily. A Human flower, yes, and yet not completely so. I had found that it mixed with pollens of Quarian flowers quite well. But the Lily does something miraculous Tali. You cannot see in a physical way, but if you looked at a biological level, you would see this flower is cut directly in half. Two different flowers in one. One side is Quarian, and the other is Human. The first smelled of the sweet Human Lily and the second of the bitter-sweet Quarian Yotalg-Daisy. But as I've said...where the flowers have come from, are not important. There was a third smell that you experienced, that brought everything you had smelled and believed before...to a new level. That was the center of the flower. The heart of the beauty that makes this flower so "perfect" as you said. The two flowers, the two cultures, and worlds, and people...come together in the center of the flower. The center of it all. You see little one, it is not about the Quarian side or the Human side that makes it perfect, it is the center...where they come together." She stopped a moment and put the flower gently onto the table that had appeared between us. Now she moved so she could cradle my suddenly helmeted head in her hands. "You, my little Silver Eyes, will come to understand this one day. I have seen it. Him. He is your future and past, mixed together in the middle to make a destiny that no one will be able to say for sure. You will be __his__ center. The stem that holds him strong, and yet the petals that keep his heart from turning to stone. This is who you are Tali..."_

_"Who?...Who will I keep strong?" She smiled once more, her eyes slitting and twinkling in the suns light. She didn't answer, but let me sit and think for a moment. "...Alex? But I don't understand. I can't find him mother...it's so dark in here...I can't...find him..."_

_She chuckled again and nodded her head. "You will little one...do not fear of that..."_

**~FLASH~**

_I felt fingers trail up and down my bare back, and I felt my lips curl into a smile as I was pulled slowly from my light nap. I turned onto my side to get a better look at the person of whom the fingers belonged to._

_"Alex," I sighed happily._

_He laughed softly. "Hey there sleepy head. I wasn't trying to wake you..." he whispered back, leaning down and slowly pressing his lips to my forehead. They were cold and I shuttered unconciously. My smile widened and I lifted my hand to lay on his cheek. My thumb drew over his scars and he closed his eyes as he always did to savor the moment._

_"I was just talking about you..." I sighed contently. He lowered himself onto his knees so as to be closer to me. _

_"Were you? To who?"_

_"My mother...she was speaking in riddles again..."_

_"Your mother, huh? Well, she probably knows as well as I do that you can't stay here. I bet she was trying to give you a shove in the right direction. Can't blame her. Essentially that's what I'm here for. In a way." I frowned. I didn't that response_

_"My love, come to bed with me. I have missed you lately...you leave me so often...and disappear into the dark. I don't like the dark...it's too cold there. I can't breath in it. It chokes me..." He turned his head to catch my skin with his lips once more. He nodded silently, taking my hand from his face, and moving it to his lap. His eyes look troubled, an expression of which I had come to see very often. "Alex?"_

_"Tali...you know I can't. It might be _your _mind but...you know it's not healthy to be here. You know I love you, and you know I want to protect you. But you also know that this," he ran his hand up and down himself to point out his form, "is not really the Alex Shepard that you're trying to find. That you're looking for that is...Ha...Hell! Listen to me! I sound like a damn horoscope!"_

_"A what?"_

_"Forget about it..."_

_Another beat of silence._

_"But...I don't want you to go...I'm so afraid that I wont be able to find you again if you leave. And then it's not worth it," I choked. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss over my lips. _

_"What's not worth it?" he asked. _

_"Everything...I'm not right without you..."_

**~FLASH~**

_The world was all but dark around me. There, in the distance, was a bed. An angel lay heavily on it, holding her chest as her broken wings spread out around her. Her breathing was shallow and I knew it would be over soon. Far too soon in my opinion, but I knew that the Gods had a plan for her. My mother was always meant for bigger things then this universe had to offer. Sometimes I used to try and ease my mind by closing my eyes and imagining the Gods begging my mother to join them and offer to them all her wisdom and love. I ran to her. too slowly for my liking, it would seem. I tried to press my cooler hand to her skin, but it burnt to hot to touch. A slick presperation of sweat coated her delicate skin as the air bit at it cruelly. Something inside me warned that this would be the last time my mother would visit me._

_My hands flew to my helmet suddenly as tears leapt to my eyes. Her hands darted to my wrists as she pulled them weakly away. "Tali...come now little one, there will be none of that."_

_"I only wish to be close to you mother! How can I-"_

_"I will...I will not have my Silver Eyes getting sick now. It is...a mothers duty to...keep her child healthy and...a-and safe..." Her head turned sharply as she coughed violently. When the fit was over, she drew the back of her hand over her mouth to wipe away the blood that that slipped from the corners of her lips. I felt a tear fall._

_"This is my mind! I cannot get sick in here, it is not the real outdoors!"_

_Her bell-like chuckle rang through me before she spoke, winking chidingly at me. "Ah...but inside ones own mind is perhaps the most dangerous place of them all. I'm sure you could ask Alex of this and he would agree with me. One can get lost in here...or worse: get so comfortable, that they never want to leave...far too much time has passed on the outside my child. You know not of the damage you inflict by keeping yourself in this calming place..."_

_"I cannot leave yet mother! Everything is kind to me here. Alex holds me tightly and kisses me and nothing ever disturbs us! And you, my mother of whom i never knew but within my dreams, visits me! You've touched my skin, and pet at my hair. Sung songs that I fell asleep too, even if you don't believe you can fall asleep while already inside your mind. How can you ask me to leave this place! I want to touch you and kiss you and...and..." I stuttered, my head throbbing as I tried to hold back my sorrow. _

_"Oh my love...do not cry..." Her voice still held a light commanding to it as she pulled me up to her. My body shook harshly as my anguish ripped itself from my chest._

_"Oh mother...my mother..."_

_"Tali...beautiful and loving...I've missed you...and I shall miss you once more..."_

**_~FLASH~_**

_"Why are you crying Tali?" His thumb wiped away my tears which continued to fall._

_"I...I..." He pulled me into a hug, holding me close so tightly that I knew I wouldn't fall._

_"Don't cry...don't cry..."_

_**~FLASH~**_

_His mouth strong on mine._

_The window's cool sending chills up and down my spines._

_His hands on my waist, and tongue at my neck._

_The heat._

_That burn._

_The undenying **burn**..._

_**~FLASH~**_

_"Get out of here Silver Eyes...it's time to leave..."_

_**~FLASH~**_

_I have something for you Tali." I chuckled. _

_"Alex, you didn't have to! I wasn't expecting anything, and I have nothing to give to you!"_

_"With gifts," he explained, "especially in Human culture, you don't exactly even need a reason to give one. However, this time, it's for you to commemorate our time together. It's a bit of a tradition that, since Humans life-spans are slightly limited, that we count our time together. So I got you these; for staying with me for six months..." _

_Flowers._

_Lillies._

_How did he know?_

_**~FLASH~**_

_Drifting. Cold. Closed space. Alone. A voice? Who? Alex? Alex! Is it you my love? Is it you!_

_**~Flash to Reality...~**_

My whole body felt stiff from being without control for so long. My head ached with a fierce intensity. I felt so alone. So cold and lonely. _Alex_. Oh Alex my love. How sorry I am that all this has befallen you. Please...please forgive me. My skin burned hot, and yet I was cold and empty inside. This must be what dying feels like.

"Tali." A voice? I flinched internally. Who...what...

"She's waking up! Get the doctor! I need someone in here as soon as possible." I could sense people around me, bustling. "Tali please," a cool hand brushed my cheek. Scaly and tough. "Tali, _please_. It's Thane. I know you can hear me but I need you to relax, everything is all right. You're safe. Miranda can't hurt you here and-"

"_A-Alex..."_ I wheezed through vocal chords that felt as though they hadn't been used in ages.

"He's alright last I heard he-"

"How..._long_..." I tried again.

"It's been a couple of months Tali..._please_, you must rest or your brain could overwhelm itself and slip back into the coma. You're body reacted horribly to the amounts of medicine that Miss Lawson put into your blood. You need to keep your heart rate and blood flow slow until we can get all of it out of your system. Do you understand me?"

The world was slipping again.

Colder now.

"Tali, I said do you understand me...?"

Blacker now.

"Tali! Is the doctor on his way?" His voice sounded muted and thick now, hard to hear through blocked ears. "Go get her now! I...don't...but I...Tali it's going...okay?"

"Tali..."

_Tali..._


	19. The Waiting

**Four Month's After Tali's "Funeral"**

**_Tali's Point of View:_**

"Damn it all Thane! I can't keep going on like this!" I hissed, slamming my fisted hand against the metal table to the side of my bed. This room had become my prison, and my inability to _do_ anything was shackling me to the floor. "How can you keep me here when Alex is roaming the universe thinking that I'm dead!"

**"**Tali, you know how...apologetic I am of this situation, but I can't allow you to-"

"To what! You can't allow me to _what, _Thane? Can't allow me to run to the man I _love?_ To comfort him while at the same time tearing Miranda's head clean off her shoulders? Do you understand that there is _treason_onboard with Shepard? Miranda could _kill _him! Or he could...he could end up killing himself..." My breathing hitched in my chest as I brought my knees up to let my chin rest upon them. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself to try and shield my heart from the painful flashes of Shepard's haggard face that taunted me from within my mind. This was all turning out to be too much for me. I was helpless. Completely and utterly_helpless_. I promised myself that when all this was sorted out...I would make Miranda pay for everything she had done. Every tear she had made me cry this past month, after waking from the coma: and every swig of whisky that I was sure that Alex was drowning in.

Because of me.

"I have been keeping tabs on the Normandy, Tali. Shepard is...fine. Miranda has done no harm to him. She wanted you out of the way so she could be the one to point him in the direction _she_ wanted him in." Thane sighed deeply, turning towards the window and looking out into the stars. His arms clasped themselves firmly behind his back into a position that I had seen him take many times. "I once explained my earlier..._profession_, in a way that I think suits this situation. Men like Shepard and I, we are not murderers and ruthless men who fight forward with avengance. No. We are simply very powerful weapons who, unless the right hand is guiding us, can do unspeakable damage to the universe around us. Miranda is aware of that power, and she is quite eager to harness it as well. No harm will befall Shepard as long as she find usefulness in him." He paused again. "Or has lust for him..."

I flinched. There was silence for a moment, and I blinked over at him. Finally I stood, clenching my hand over my heart where I could feel it beating fervishly.

"You're wrong," I ground out, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. "Alex is more then that. He's a leader _and_ a warrior. He fights his _own_ battles and knows the difference of right and wrong." I looked over to where Thane continued to stare emotionless out the window. "I'm not trying to...to insult you, or what you're done in the past. I just know you're wrong about him. He's not just muscle and anger. Not just a solid slab of unmoving might. He's got a heart as big as a Tasmathian ocean...and he wont be conquered by the likes of_Miranda..._"

"Perhaps you are right. And I do not deny anything that you have said about the Commander. However, with a weakened spirit and heart...due to your "death"...Miranda knows how to play him well. She's much more cunning then any of us ever gave her credit for."

"I know. And...I'm sorry I snapped." I fell back noisily onto the cot, resting my helmet on the wall behind me. "I just...miss him Thane..."

Thane chuckled sadly. "I understand. If there was another way Tali..." Silence rested between us once more until finally I sighed.

"I understand Thane. You must be terribly worried about your son...I am selfish to believe that I am the only one who is suffering from Miranda's terrors...my apologies."

He turned to me slowly, nodding his head gently. "None needed. Before I joined Shepard's crew, finding Kolyat would have been quite simple. Very easy in fact. The problem lies in the fact that all my ties into the information world have been severed. Not surprising in knowing that my former alliances are wary of having ties to a person who is so closely knit to the great Commander Shepard: Cerberus' lacky."

"Alex is _not_ Cerberus' slave-" I bit back quickly, my temper flaring once more. This time away from Shepard had left me grasping at straws to remember him in my mind. His temper, though it was never directed at me, was something I seemed most prominent. I found that whenever my own anger jumped, I almost felt that he was a little closer. I could close my eyes, and just hear him snickering at me under his breath. Almost _see_ his smirk breaking across his stubbled face as he drew closer to me, reaching out a hand to-.

"I know, Tali." Thane's voice brought me back to the present, causing my eyes to snap open and my lips to curl down into a slight scowl. "And that is not _my_ opinion. It is simply how the "business world" has come to view him. One must be very careful this days with whom you come in contact with. It...how should I put this? _Stains_your record. But none the less, none of this means anything. I just don't have the ties into the information world to figure out how to...to find my son..."

"Right...of course. And you're right, we just have to come up with another way to...to find a...way...to...to..." I drifted off within my head for a moment as I thought. The _information_ world? That phrase sparked something in my mind. A memory-no, many memories, of a person who had once been close to me, flashed across my vision. Thane needed information, but he no longer had the ties into that field that could get him what he needed. _He_ may not have the connections...but _I_ did! "Thane! I...I know what to do!"

A thorned eyebrow raised itself at me in question. "Oh?"

"I know someone! A person whom I used to be close with in my past! She is very prominent in the information world right now, so I am sure that she can help us! Yes, yes! I am positive she can!"

"Who exactly do you have in mind?" Thane asked, ever calm and composed.

A smile broke out over my lips, though I knew he could not see it through the darkened screen of my mask. "_Liara..."_


	20. A Shock

**Hey Everyone! Thank you for being patient, and to those who have stayed true! I apologize for All of the pain I have caused you all and I promise you that it is not intentional. I simply forget that you all dont KNOW what is going to happen next. Naturally, I do...I wrote it...**

**Anyways! I love you all! All of you being devoted fans! And I apologize once more while saying you will not recieve another update until next week. I am going to be in Alaska for a week and there for I will have no computers with me. (.) But I will be scratching away with the good old pen and paper and there WILL be updates when i return. I hope to finish the last few chapters and wrap this story up so that I can begin a new one.**

**:) Emma**

**_Chapter 20: A Shock_**

**_Liara's Point of View:_**

Rumors. Piles upon piles of rumors sat high upon my desk. Rumors to the world, that is, but _I_ knew the ones that were not. Secrets were a dangerous thing in this world. That and emotion. Let the world see your mask crack, and they knew just what to attack, to throw you off balance. There was no room for love, as I had decided long ago. As a maiden I had drowned myself in the sciences and learning of the universe to try and trick myself into believe that idea. But I was caught off guard when I ran right into that exact thing I had been running from. Love.

To be more exact, _him_. I was selfish, and used his lust against him. I tried to distract him from what he really wanted, long enough for me to come up with a plan to keep him for my own. Selfish. He almost lost her too, because of me. I could still remember his face when he came in to tell me that things between us had to end. That he was with Tali now, and that nothing had ever made him happier. I could feel the sting of jealousy blind me for a moment, and for a brief second-I contemplated throwing him out the window from my office. Silly. But being young makes you vulnerable.

I remembered that pain; of having him just walk away. Of course, I knew he would come back, not for love, but for friendship. And he did. That helped at least to quench a part of the burn I felt for him inside my heart. But at least he was still alive and well.

What pain he must be feeling now. With her gone from his side. If my pain stung enough to leave me broken on the ground, then I cannot imagine how his heart must be howling in agony. In pure, blinding rage and vicious sadness. He was coming to see me today. I had insisted upon it. My sources had told me, that the great Commander Shepard...was slipping. Nothing of what he had once been. He no longer felt his purpose in life, and that made him weak. If I had only recently gotten this information, then others would just be starting to receive the same news-and they would strike soon. The enemies of Citadel's hero will not wait for a fair time to kill Alex. They would strike when his heart faltered, and strike hard. If the rumors of his state had been true however, I wasn't sure he'd even bother to stop them.

I couldn't that.

There was a tap on my office door and I tensed immediately, hand flickering a light blue of protective biotics. "Who is it?" I hissed sharply. If it had been my assistant, then she wouldn't have bothered knocking. She knew I had asked not to be disturbed and she would never disobey me for anyone.

"I...I can't say..." The voice was quiet. Muffled through the strong door and space between us. I stood up silently, skipping across the room with the air at my ankles as I lay my back against the cool wall...listening.

"Who _are_ you? I don't have time for games," I snapped.

"I told you, I can't say. You...You know me Liara, I know you do. I just, I can't say my name outside this door. I can't chance that anyone is listening. _Please_. Just trust me!" The voice pleaded. It was almost filtered sounding. Metallic in a way. _Quarian_.

"I do not simply _trust_ people, Quarian. What is your business with me?" I asked once more, turning towards the door and lifting off the wall.

"Liara it's about Shepard and if you don't open this door then I will...well...I don't really know..."

I laughed breathily, as if she actually thought that she could fool me into thinking that-...the cold barrel of a bun pressed to my neck and my body stiffened.

"Liara, it is Thane," the voice whispered in my ear. "I will not shoot you. But I would not enjoy you throwing me against something in order to prevent me from telling you that you must open the door for Tali before someone sees her or recognizes her voice..."

_Tali?_ I spun around; eyes wide as Thane dropped his gun easily back into his holster. "How the hell did you get in here?" I demanded.

"Perhaps now is not the best time to discuss the lack of protection in your air vents, Miss Tsoni," came the calm reply of the scaled man, as he nodded towards the door. I looked over my shoulder, eyes growing wide once more.

"What kind of joke is this Thane? Tali is dead." A light blue shimmered around me as my temper flared once more. "Tali was a good friend of mine, and I don't appreciate you soiling her memory. And neither would Shepard. Where is he? If you're here, then he must be too." Thane sighed heavily before walking swiftly past me and opening the door before I could voice a complaint. My mouth fell open as the doors hissed and slid apart revealing a Quarian standing on the other side. The Quarian's arms wrapped around itself as they hid within the dark folds of a deep purple cloak. The dark of the hood barely hid the shining eyes that protruded from within the shadowed visor of their suit, but they swept the hood back as they stepped quickly into the room. The Quarian didn't even pause as they strode briskly towards me. My hands tried to raise themselves quickly as I felt the biotics draw strongly into my hands for a fight. Thin arms flew around my shoulders, pulling me tightly into a hug as I felt the Quarian's body begin to tremble. I froze where I stood, my mind racing through different types of assassinations or tricks that this could be, and who or what had sent them. I blinked repeatedly, letting the power and tension release form my body as I realized that the body that was shaking around me...was crying.

"Miss Tsoni," Thane began, sealing the doors and locking them once more before turning his black eyes back onto me, "We don't have much time, because it isn't safe to stay in one place for too long. I'm not sure if anyone saw us, and if this get's back to Miss Lawson-"

"What? I...I don't understand...who...who _are_ you?" I asked sharply, pushing the Quarian away from me and holding them still at arm length as I glared. "What is going on here Thane? I...I don't understand what is going on and I...I don't...I don't like not knowing! So unless you tell me this _instant,_ I'm about to get _very_ angry and possibly-" The Quarian interrupted me this time, walking away from me to look out the window as she spoke.

"Liara, please listen, we don't have much time. We need your help. Miranda has taken Thane's son captive and we can't do anything to help Alex until-"

"Wait...who..." The Quarian stopped talking, turning to blink at me. I was utterly confused. My mind, for whatever the reason, could not seem to grasp the scene that was unfolding in front of me. "Who are you?" I finally got out. There was silence; uncomfortable and tense.

"Tali. I'm Tali..."

Another silence. "W-What?"

"Miranda. It's _Miranda,_ Liara. Shepard is in danger. More then he knows and since he's in this horrible state because of my...my...well because he thinks I'm dead, Miranda can use him however she wants. We need your _help_." My head spun, shock leaving me numb.

"Tali? But...how? I...I know people...I had people check! I...I had my best men making sure this wasn't some sort of...joke. Some sort of sick, _sick_ joke! How can you be alive! How can you-...**How can you just let Alex think you're _DEAD!_ **Do you know what this is doing to him? Do you...do you have any _idea! How...How..."_

"Liara! Please! Just listen! Miranda, she...tried to kill me. All right? I was almost dead. She pumped so much medication and muscle relaxants because she wanted me out of the way. She tried to make me seem dead by being in this...this...weird state where I could not move my body. But I could hear everything. _Everything_ Liara. Everyone would come to me and tell me how much they cared about me and would miss me. Miranda came and taunted me. She...She told me she would...that she would try and make Alex _hers._ And...And _Alex..._He came to me...Every night...And spoke to me. And...and he cried...and I couldn't...I couldn't talk...to him. And I tried...and I wanted to but I...I...I-" Thane walked briskly over to her, putting a hand onto her shoulder as I watched her take in a shaky breath. We all waited a moment but she didn't continue.

"As Tali was saying," Thane continued, "was that Miranda has been fooling us all. She has been working with the Illusive man behind all of our backs and the Illusive Man wants Shepard back on his path. With the Commander in the state that he's in, she will not have any problems in getting what she wants. It is all a game to her. One in which she plays very well. The problem now is that we can't-"

"Wait...Miranda? Miranda _Lawson?_ Shepard's XO? I've met Miss Lawson. She hardly seems the type to betray a superior. Treason definitely isn't like her. Her loyalty is too strong-"

"She was Loyal to _Cerberus_ first...and you know how that Human Company can be..." Tali spat, venom coating her words even in her whisper.

"I suppose...yes..." I agreed. I did know how Cerberus could be. I always had at least three pairs of well-trained eyes on _that_ business at all times. If there was something dirty going on within the Human race, the source was usually coming from Cerberus.

"Miss Lawson was planning on releasing Tali into space and letting her die that way." Thane's voice grew darker as he spoke, emotion just creeping into his words. "The only reason I found out was that I happened to overhear one evening as she was gloating over Tali's form. During the night, I sent an encoded message to someone whom owed me a favor, and asked them to send a ship to meet us at a port on a nearby planet. I took one of the small shuttles off the Normandy, and I switched Tali's funeral pod with a similar one, so that I could get Tali away. The drugs that were in Tali's systems had been in there so long, that they had done far too much damage for just me to deal with. I hired a team of medical personal to stabilize her but she fell into a medication coma. It took her three months, to awaken. And we've been moving from place to place ever since, to keep from being detected by anyone that Miranda might have out looking for us. So far we have been lucky enough to evade detection..."

"But...I still don't quite...understand. Why haven't you told Alex you're alive! He needs to know Tali! You can't possibly understand how much _pain_ he is in! He can't even-..."

"Don't try and tell me that I don't know how much pain he is in," came Tali's strangled reply. Her voice cut off at the end into a sob as her had clenched into a fist over her breast. "Because I know...since I feel it too." Her head looked up to me, eyes sending a chill down and into my body. "Don't you think I _want_ to tell him? Don't you think I want to touch him again? And kiss him and tell him that everything is fine? Don't you think I need him too!"

Dead silence.

"Because I do...but we...can't...and I know that. Thane has risked a lot to save me, and the only thing he asked of me, was to stay in hiding for just...just a little longer, until he can find his son..." She choked through another sob and I bowed my head.

"I'm sorry...Tali. I shouldn't have said that. I know you love him, and I know he loves you as well. I cannot imagine your pain. Please accept my sincere apologies..." I murmured, taking a step towards her, not knowing if I should comfort her as I used to. I decided against it. Too much time had passed between us, making an awkward tension form. I knew that Tali resented me for the times that Shepard and I had shared together, and I knew that she had resented me even before that, for refusing to rejoin his crew. If not for my own personal mission, I would have in a heartbeat...but now...

"It's alright..." she sighed; crossing her arms over herself once more.

"But what does Thane's _son_ have to do with any of this?" I asked, moving over to my desk and sitting down before I fell over. Tali opened her mouth to answer just as a fist slammed down harshly on the door. I stood up quickly, rushing over to the door as I asked, "Who is it?"

The reply was slurred together and rough against my ears, and yet the voice was one that used to comfort me within all my best dreams. "Open...Oopen! The door is closed...and I want to...in! Aww shit."

"Well?" whispered Thane. "Who is it?"

Tali spoke before I did, and I could almost picture her face draining recognition took hold of her voice. "Alex..."


	21. Deafening Silence

**Thank you all for being patient with me! I have a few more chapters left in the story, and then it will be complete. I am both sad and happy to be almost finished with it, because even though I do LOVE your comments...YOUR INQUIRIES AS TO THE NEXT CHAPTERS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!**

**So please my dear friends... Reviews on the chapters... NOT on the speed in which I write...**

**Many thanks,**

**Emma**

Chapter 20: Deafening Silence

**Chapter Excerpt: "The Wall"**

"Tali, I don't understand. What's happening? What can I..._do_!" Something wet dropped onto my forehead. He was..._crying._

"I'm..._sorry _Alex..." I tried again. He nodded furiously, beginning to scoop me up. "_Wait..._" He stopped and looked at me, eyes sliding from feature to feature violently.

"No, don't say sorry...you're _alright_. Stop. Don't say anything. I'm going to get you to the Doctor, she'll help you alright?" He was so upset. I hated seeing him like this. This face of a boy who never got a real chance to just..._be_. The face of a teenager who missed his parents. And a face of a man, who knew he wasn't free. Alex. _My_ Alex. I smiled at him gently, reaching up shakily and brushing his hair out of his sweat covered face. He took my hand and kissed it.

"..._love...you..."_ An audible sob was choked in his chest and he leaned down and fervishly pushed his lips to mine. I savored it, opening my mouth and letting him in. He tasted like he always did. Smooth and _Perfect_. He kissed me again, and I smiled through it this time. Then the darkness swallowed me, and I fell...

**_Tali's Point of View:_**

"But what does Thane's _son_ have to do with any of this?" Tali asked, moving over to her desk and sitting down. She looked a paler blue then usual. We were all a little...off center. It was not as if situations such as these present themselves often. It was as if we were living the lives of a character from the dramatic adventure books I used to steal off of Alex's bookshelf. I opened my mouth to answer just as a fist slammed down harshly on the door. I froze and Liara stood quickly, rushing over to the door and asking a sharp question of, "Who is it?"

The reply was slurred together and yet the voice came like gravel falling down the side of a mountain. My heart broke, cuts on it etching deeper into my core as the voice opened a painful wound within me. Though the reply was somewhat...childlike, it beckoned and tugged at my very _soul: _Beggin_g_ me to answer it. _Him._

"Open...Oopen! The door is closed...and I want to...in! Aww shit..." he replied.

"Well?" whispered Thane at my side. "Who is it?"

Liara opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off, my blood running cold through my veins as I answered in a pained whisper. "_Alex_..."

Thane's eyes widened for a split second before returning to his usual calm front. "Tali, you must understand that I cannot allow you too speak-..."

"I know." I interrupted, my heart sinking in my chest. "I know..."

"Tali! Do not be selfish!" Liara whispered angrily. "For all he has done for you! He can keep a secret! He can act as if nothing has happened. Thane's son will be fine. I will get the information you seek and we will _save_ Kolyat. I promise you that nothing bad will befall-..."

"And I implore you once more, Liara! Do not speak to me as if I am trying to hurt Alex any further then the damage that has already been afflicted. I _love_ him, and you cannot fathom the amount of searing agony I am in as I hear him this close..." I pressed my hand against the steel of the door and lay my helmet against it. "And _feel_ him this close to me after so long, and not be able to touch him. But I cannot, though I want nothing more in this whole universe then to do so. Because Thane _saved_ me and gave me the chance to at least get this far! I will not betray the faith and trust he has put in me."

"And what about the faith and trust _Alex_ has put in you! Does it all mean **NOTHING** to you? Nothing in the slightest?" Liara nearly shouted, her words cutting through me as the venom of them bit at my suited skin.

Another harsh bang against the door. The vibrations he made traveled up my arm and I smiled in thinking that in a way, I had just touched him. "Just a _minute_," Liara called.

"Liara," finally I drew my hand back, walking to where she stood and leveling myself with her as I spoke. "Many years ago, I was with the Commander when we traveled to the sight in which you were working. We found you trapped. If we had left you there, Saren would have taken you and only Keelah knows what _horrors _would have befallen you there. Shepard was prepared to leave you, but as I am sure you remember, I was the one who convinced him to save you. To trust you and take a chance on you. So I ask you now, my old friend, take a chance on me...and please...do not speak of us to him. Hide us, and help us. But do not betray us. We've fought so hard to get to where we are now. Do not make it all a wasted effort. For you may destroy an innocent's _life_ in doing what you believe is the right thing to do. Please..."

There was a silence in the air as she stared at me. Her eyes were cold and expressionless from years of practiced sorrow and intensity. Her time of suffering over Alex had broken her far more then I had previously thought, and I shivered internally when I realized that this kind of devotion only bore itself from one other emotion.

Love.

Liara had truly _loved_ Alex. And she had watched him die. She had sold her soul to the darkest of Gods so that she might retrieve a body in which she never knew was truly him. Then when he was "reborn", he returned to her for a few fleeting months...until he found me, and left _her._ The cold taste of loss and betrayal had hardened her. And yet, though Alex had in a sense cast her to the side, her faithful loyalty had never wavered even a small amount. She was a true friend. And if she had it her way...I could tell she would be a true lover as well. The universe was not a kind place. And Liara T'soni knew this only too well...

Finally she spoke, her eyes softening as she strode by me. She pressed her hand against an electronic pad and a door slid open. She nodded her head, staring down at her feet so that she would glare at them and not at me. I placed a hand briefly onto her shoulder and I felt her trembling beneath my touch.

"Thank you..." was all I could muster. She didn't reply, so I hurried into the room, locking the door behind me. Thane stood cautiously away from me, body till slightly blocking the doors unlocking switch as if he feared I would not be able to control myself. Perhaps he was smart in doing so. I pressed both my hands to the door as I turned up the volume on my suit to hear what was happening on the other side of the door. I heard Liara's shuffling as she flew across the room towards the heavy doors that saved her and yet were her prison. The door groaned to itself as the bolts that held it firmly closed, were released. It sighed with a panicked relief as if slid open to no doubt reveal a disgruntled Alex.

My heart was beating so loud that I could feel it pounding in my ears. I begged it to quiet itself so that I could hear my love speak once more. I needed the soothing melody that _was_ his voice. Needed it so badly that I sensed my self-control slipping as I felt the heavy footsteps as he walked into the room. The door was locked once more behind him. Liara was always one for safety.

"You know..." Alex began, belching as his steps fell out of time with one another, "YOU were the one who invited ME to be here. So, I find it real _rude_ to have to stand outside you're shit door and pound away like a drunk ex lover that wants you back."

"Well, you _are_ an ex lover Alexander. And, though I note this with great disdain, you are _also_ drunk. Alcohol does not treat you well Commander; it never has." Liara's voice was soft, but there was no humor in it. I knew what Alex was doing; trying to charm Liara with words and jokes. He was a very charming man when he wanted to be. And though I had only seen him drunk once, I had a feeling that this sort of charm would do very little to sway Liara. She was a woman of high sophistication and class.

"You were always the really smart one LeeLee," he sighed. "It's real stupid of me to think that a guy like me could ever out smart you. I'm not a very smart guy you know. I mean I didn't need the smarts in the Alliance, you know? Just point and shoot. That's the best lesson I ever got taught in _all_ my days of me..." Furniture released air as he sat himself onto it. I could picture him in my mind: arms spread over the top of the sofa, legs out straight on the footstool that was before him, and head lolled back as he shut his eyes to clear his mind. "But then again," he began once more, "maybe if I had been smarter, I could have become a doctor or something. Then I could have...maybe...oh Hell, I don't really know. Maybe I could have saved her."

Silence. Beat, Beat. More silence.

"You mean...Tali, Commander?"

"Alex..."

"What?" she asked.

"No more _Commander_ shit...just Alex. Please. It always sounded nice coming from you. Like you _actually _cared. Ha...silly...no one really does..."

"That's not true Com-...Alex... I cared. I...I _care._ You know I do. That's why I asked you here. Because I care. You have always been something special to me, and I know how your...loss...has hurt. As it should and as it-..."

"You know she used to do this thing," Alex interrupted, chortling darkly to himself. "She used to do this thing, when I would corner her on the ship and pull her too me. I'd hold her, and there would be this..._blush_ that would just spread all over her face. Oh god Liara, I don't believe in Heaven anymore...but I swear...that she looked just like an Angel would. Wings and everything. She was _my_ heaven you know..."

"Yes...I am aware..." Liara was quieter now.

"I miss her...Liara...every..._fucking_...second, of every fucking day. I keep trying to remember why I'm not with her right now. Why I'm not...dancing along the stars with her. I've thought about it too...just...letting it all go. Letting the dark take over and consume me. But then I'd hear her voice, you know? In my head. Scolding me. Ha! She was always scolding me. But I knew it was because she loved me..." He took in a deep and ragged breath. "The universe hold no comfort for me. I'm numb. Tired. I just want to drink and let myself slip into unconsciousness. Tali's ALWAYS there waiting for me. Smiling. Those silver eyes sparkling at me. The dreams never come fast enough, and the memories leave way to fast. It's like I'm stuck in this fucking place that's in the middle of the two things I want. The memories of her and the dreams of her. I can't quite touch either of them when I'm fully functioning. But...when I drink, it's as if their walls come down and they sort of...wash down around me. It's nice. Like dipping into a thing of water as a sun beats down on you. Calming. Gentle. Soothing. But...since their all mixed up...I almost find it disturbing to think that I'm unsure of what the dream it...and what actually happened between us. It all seems so real. Like she's right here with us, you know? Like she's nearby."

My heart ached and I pressed myself closer to the door.

"You shouldn't be talking like that Alex...it's not healthy for you. Thoughts like that. She's not really here...Well I mean...no. No-...she's not really here. You need to accept that. And believe that she's still watching over you at least. Waiting for...the right moment to present herself to you..." Liara's cryptic riddles were lost on the drunken Commander as my ears probed the emptiness between us.

"But...She seems so real to me...in my head. I'm really _holding_ her Liara. I swear! She's really there...I can...I can _feel_ her..."

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

"It would be easy you know; just to fucking end it all. No more obligations, no more lives to save, no more universe to save. Why bother? It's not as if the universe has ever done anything for me!"

"It doesn't work that way Shepard-..."

"It's _never_ been on my side. My Mother? Father? Sister? Dead. All of them. My friends? Dead. The only person I've ever _truly_ loved? Dead! All gone. All of them!" I could picture Liara flinching as Alex shouted about me. My heart went out to her. Here was the man she loved; shouting at her that she didn't care for him and that the only person that he's ever _really_ loved...was me. I cannot imagine the pain Alex was unintentionally inflicting. "So tell me Liara! Why should I even bother with this fucking universe? It's not worth it! It never has been and never-..."

"Because it is your destiny to save this universe-..."

"**DESTINY!** Why the _fuck_ should I give a damn about that? _I_ decide my fate and destiny. _I choose it!_ You know nothing!"

More silence.

Harsher.

Only disturbed by the violent and sporadic breaths that Alex was drawing in and out.

"I think you should leave now," came Liara's strangled voice.

"W-what?" he asked.

"I said...I think you should go now. Get out. Get...OUT! Until you tame your temper, and until you realize that all is NOT lost in this world-that YOU are not lost, then I cannot be around you. If you want my shoulder to weep upon then you must be willing to _listen_ to what I have to say even if you believe it will hurt."

Beat.

Beat.

"So that's it?" A hiccup. "You're done with me? Some fucking _friend_ you are..."

"You know not what I am doing for the sake of _friendship_ even as we speak..._Commander. _Now leave...before my request for you to go, becomes me throwing you out. Go back to your ship. Wash the booze off your skin. And clean yourself up. You are the _Commander _of the finest fleet in the galaxy, as well as the leader of one of the most important missions that life forms have ever come across. Take a cold shower, and remind yourself of thus. Good night, Alex. I hope to see you soon, when your current mission of self-implosion has ceased."

Beat.

"Bull-_fucking-_shit."

Footsteps.

The door open.

The slam shut.

Three hearts sinking.

Then the silence...


End file.
